Looking forward, great!

Finally, I have came so far.
It was the 5th semester for my university life.
Although I am paper-written as 2nd year student,
I always concern that I am much more better than that.
And yet, finally, it is the time for me to send my CV and resume.
Looking at my transcript,
I am feeling "Oh my god! What the hell with my result?"
The grade Cucumber credits for physical chemistry making itself too obvious on my paper.
Haha..
Anyway, while looking at my activity achievement,
I feel much more comfortable.
At least, I didn't spend my university life wastefully.
Completed 3 CV and resumes to be sent out this coming Monday.
Feeling excited.
Can I feel some luck from you? haha :D

Ended my 3rd semester in USM.
Feeling 10 years living here.
reason? simple.
I have much more responsibilities to bear on my shoulders and you know time pass slowest when the hard time is haunting.
After year by year,
money is still controlling my mind.
There is non a minute I am not thinking to earn it.
Haha..
Money slave. Sad case.
However, I could spend it my way now.
Feeling proud earning during school life.
this is how i feel i'm different from others.
the small satisfaction that is so precious to me :D

In this 5years,
I had joined events by direct sales, insurance, forex and even money game company.
However,
non of it I made a first step to create my own 'business'.
I know many of you feel lousy on my explanation.
The fact is: I'm not feeling good in introducing products and set up a complicated  social network.
If someone asks me about my expectation on my future career,
I would prefer to stay in my own working area, doing my own things.
sometimes I can present my work to others.
this match what I could get from continuing in laboratory work.
Exclude from the head-spinning relationship and doing my favourite works :)
Afraid to take risk.
Being a non-profitable person to a family was already a headache,
why creates problem?
maybe i would not be like very rich and live in luxury in future.
i chose my path and at least i wont die because of poverty.
Back then i'm not sure, but now i'm clear,
because i find to be more understanding myself.
And i love myself more nowadays. <3 p="">
Finally, I hope my application would be taken care of. Y(^.^)Y
All the best yo!!

Grilled life

So ya, i wanna post a new article about myself. I had started a part time job as a tuition teacher since last month. I was nervous to death during the first week. However everything just turned up getting smoother that i would ever imagine. Honestly, this experience just made me so against to have my own child in future. To deliver, to raise, to care and ensure their future is a long and stony journey. I prefer to play with my siblings' children (i really wish them to have xD) i saw some of the tuitors being so tame to their students while the other so strict to them. I think im just betwen the two lines. I hope i would be the latter one. 

So as work being added to my uni life, i have conflict dealing with my academics and money. Haha.. However, i just think it as a good training to undergo what others don't. My background doesn't support me with strong financial status, so i decided to make my own. Sadly, my academics wasn't excellent to qualify me any scholarship, so i had to stay upstill. My brother has once criticised me for being a burden for my family. I cried so hard and it really motivated me to keep moving on nowadays. Never regret for doing mistakes, just care what to make a better solution.  

Last friday, i attended dharma class. I shared about a core lesson i learnt from the class, which is the right intention. Knowing why you are taking the decision and always keep in mind why you started it. Being a buddhist is not only believing it but be living it. Learning the buddha taught and practise in life. Buddhist is not just offering to buddha or sangha and you all will be bless. This is what we often misunderstand. Many of us address ourselves as a buddhist because we are chinese. The main purpose we offer buddha is to remind us to his teaching but not acquire his blessing. Buddha is not magic. He doesn't create or destroy, he found the truth. The truth that i always want to realise myself. 

Lastly, i found a junior who has the same style as lin aun. He made me remember all those forgotten memories just in an eye contact. I realise that i have never forget those and will never be forgotten. However, i know i really could control my mind now. Knowing that impermanent is the only permanent thing in this world. I thought i wouldn't live for single once ago, but now, i would prefer to stay single and spend on my earned money. To travel to stay or to leave only depend on my own. My mind is changing and i don't know how would i end, but sure it won't be regretted again. 

Once again, lastly, all the best :) be happy

My hair finally grows at satisfactory length. :)

Plan B

It doesn't work in the way i thought. However, i am feeling normal to it. Perhaps, i have already prepared for the result, so i am like immune to the happening. However, it doesn't put off my motivation to go further. Perhaps, it just not now. I wish to have a vacation, somewhere out of this country in recent. Which i prefer to call plan B. :) . Working on saving and earning at this moment. Different experience im gainning, thumbs up for me :)

Few days ago, a form6 teacher inbox me. Honestly, it was a bit surprise for me. Something great was making to my deep consideration. I really wonder how would i think of my university life when i was old or just maybe into the work. I wish that it will be something i was proud and was going to brag about. Grow strong and be loved. Blessing the best for myself. 

All the best for all. :)

不善心

自從面對了同伴與麵包的考驗後，自己起了不善心—妒忌。

這一個不善心是由自小的驕縱與傲慢心下萌芽的。

雖然世事有時並無法被自己掌控，但我得學會管理自己的身口意。我起的意念是因為我不了解當中的根本，當自己坐下好好思考後覺悟。別去計較事情的演變，生活無常，我得做好自己的本分，因為別人也是在做著他該做的本分。看清楚自己的墮落心，再精進。別讓不開心的磁場繼續流轉。正能量！做好本分，不是問題！加油！！微笑 :D

A little secret here

I used to hide myself in my comfort zone. Sometimes, it has been my habit to avoid solving problems on my own. For instance, actually i did not apply usm on my own efforts but through my father's benefit. It is time for me to step on my own feet and do something big. 

I has been dreamt of travelling overseas before but i never have courage enough to admit it. The main reason is about money. There are many things running through my mind every time i tried to step out of my comfort zone. The most profound experience was the time i want to study pharmacy so much and i stopped my pace because i couldn't solve the financial problems. I talk big but i do not have faith on my own idea. Im an easily dream-broken person. 

Now, i want a brand new experience and for the first time i'm doing research and putting a little more efforts in it. All the while, i have found that it isn't a hard process to learn new thing---discover new information. Desperate to get rid of the type of ostrich life. 

Work for it. Saw Mey. Step out, and live it. <3

爸爸

What can a dad do for his children? 

I dont know how about the other dad, i know mine.

Honestly, i dont treat good to my dad in tone. I speak loud and even shouted to him when he is asking for a cellphone operation. Everything he does for me i take for granted. I never buy him a breakfast like he always does. I always request other to love their parents, but what do i do for my parents? I look down on them, speak rude and make troubles to them.

So these are how my dad replies to my action:

Asking  me to choose a breakfast everyday. Speak soft to me. Quietly give me pocket money and help me to fill petrol ever since i want to hang out by my house vehicles. Im always pampered by his care and attention. The most great thing he did to me is he never blame me directly whenever i did a big mistake. Firstly, he would calm me down to be afraid that i could be panic when the incident happened. Then he will help to settle the things for me, trying his best, never sharing his fears to me. He will just give a simple advice and will never take this incident as a weapon to blame me in future. He protects me and his act is making me selfish and egoism. 

Today, a bad case happened, it actually could be avoided if i were careful enough or taking responsibility as a good daughter. Always inform my parents on what im doing. I remembered what 吳鎮宇said to his son: "受傷了記得回家" i live my 22years life and now i realise how important to back home and inform parents when something happen. 

The last sentence: sorry daddy, thank you so much.

有点小悲伤

虽然知道你对我用情并不深，但是你的回应的确让我有小难过。曾经等我回复的你，不再找我。就算给你的生日祝福，你也默默地说了谢谢就沉默了。原来我给你的伤害是如此。只能说，我没成为一个该被珍惜的女孩。默默地为你祝福，也祝福我自己。谢谢你的付出和帮忙，很感恩，我也不会再那么自以为是了。你让我学习很多。加油呀！素媚

:)

Im not the only kind

It seems awkward to write it here but i just couldn't withold myself from doing it. Yeah. I was kind of too bored and went to read the blog of the FOB of my friend. As an overview, all of her blog posts is truly problematic. Complains, selfcentered and full with repention. It sounds so familiar with me. Yes. It was me. The one who used to tell my sorrow and resentful stories to the world. Especially using blogs. I see myself from her. The one who doesnt look at the bright side on her own and blaming the world for not treatenning us righful enough. It is a process to grow up. 

I hope that one day she can feel instead of the world is breaking her heart but to be contented on what she chose to be. She said she was not interested to continue on what she was studying right now. She had the chance to make a difference to her choice, but she only blamed her luck neither making a new decision nor changing her attitude. Life is hard to proceed if she continues to live like this. She is having acknowledgement of financial independence now like how i am facing too. Eagerly to show something to our family to prove that we are not that little anymore. Away from being bias towards her from what i heard from others. I see her being too pessimistic living in the world from her views. Stop caring other people's critism on us. Even she keeps saying being herself but she doesn't look happy at all. If she is not happy, that is not the point to be herself. Just all the best to you. 

Lastly, please never ever think to replace a man you loved so much with a man who loved you so much. It would end up hurting the man who loved you and breaking your heart knowing that the man you loved doesn't care at all. End of sharing. Try to digest my points of view too, sorry for taking your story. I just want to warn myself not to back to those time anymore.

一句无情的“从来没有”

用一句从来没有而定我的罪。不想说不想吵，第一次在陌生的地方不停地想哭。我以为我不会那么容易掉泪了。讨厌不能忍住眼泪的自己。好想好好发泄。就算你说得对，我一句也不想听进去。我真的觉得委屈了。

What Atuk said

Im kind of superstitious as i was born in a family which is halfly taoisme. Especially when my family was introduced to Atuk since two years ago. I truly believe that He has the power to change our fortune. I started with partial belief in Him at the beginning. However, he shown something amazing as time gone by. He knew what i done during my school day including where and who i dated with. The point is that i never tell anyone about the incident. So this is the preface before im going to start the story.

So this it. It is short but sad. He told me that i would get B for my this semestre result. It meant that i would be getting grade around B- to B+? Im so sad but i do accept as i can feel my performance this semestre. He had warned me before my second semestre had started. I deserved it even it is going to be a bad result. So the conclusion might be im lazy and not clever enough. Anyway, looking forward for the camp. Add oil ba!!