not in mood

im going to have my first mid term exam in ums today, but i give up. i don't even want to fight for it at the last minutte. i wish that i will never here. all my hardwork in my form 6 is only deserved rm90. i don't know why i got so upset. Especiay Mei Xue ignored me sometimes. Perhaps i am too moody today, i feel pur distance.

Return to the SIMPLE

Well, first of all, i am here to reannounce my status. 

I am single yet I survive! Haha :)

At least no one could agitate me by easily,

I can pretend to be calm and cool. Haha! xD

Secondly, do you realise that my blog's template becomes so kiddy??

Yes! I purposely make it to something simple but symbolises things usually in my mind.

Childhood. Yeah~

Even I don't have a wonderful one, I have my lovely memories staying beside my mom :D

Actually, I skipped a chance to apply jpa scholarship which i had a high probability to get it.

Everything just caused by my laziness and procrastination.

And now,

I deserved the punishment.

No one reprimanded me, yet i felt myself not aggressive to chase for what i worth. 

However, 

time had passed, 

no way return, so i just had to rebuild my mind and be grateful again.

Pace forward, not to cry over the same thing and never do the same mistake again!

SMILE=D  

Today I went out with my Titas group members to Emmanual Church,

it was all basically to do my assignment.

The church was well-equiped with modern electrical goods and musical instruments,

which i found it fresh for me,

because there was no Jesus the Christ statue or something i used to imagine for ancient church.

Haha..

Well, at least, I had learnt something, 

church meant people.

We sang a lot of christianity songs and shaked a lot of people's hand.

It did remind me of 'Multi-level Marketing' meetings in either Amway or Great Eastern. Haha.

At first, I was so reluctant to their passion and to follow what they did. 

ps: like lifting hands to reach the God and say the words "it is you Jesus" or "i love you Lord"

Perhaps i was used to buddhism and i believe in the taught of Buddha, I was not enough liberal yet. :(

Anyway, it was a nice try. 

They created a place which gather all the genius and passionate people.

The spirits were there with them always. :)

So back to the mission--

We interviewed one of the pastor and he answered to us with informative points.

I guess we really did a good job today. :)

We video cam during the session and we might look nervous and blank in the middle.

But we succeeded, well done for us already.

After that, we went to restaurant 527 near King Fisher there to lunch.

Not bad :D

Well, I hope i look cheerful for my friends over Sabah. I want to build up a new image for myself.

and i do always able to keep my emotion coaxed here :)

i have changed a lot and i am happier now even i get down by the assignments here :) haha..

But i only believe, my grandpa and grandma will bless for me far away from me.

and there is nothing should get me down :) i will love and enjoy what i have here.

Move forward, i will find my happiness there, throughout the journey.

Yeah~~

Saw Mey, a girl living in netherland :)

Finally i know how it feels

Last time, i used to be insecured. So i liked to text my ex and get stuck on him. Perhaps inmature was the reason i acted so. On the first 3months he went to KL, i was so afraid of losing him so i requested to stay connected through texting with him. I never viewed from his position. When we get to a new environment, everything got terrible . What was i minded that time were all why he did not put me as ultimately important? Now i was in a new environment, i knew the difficulty he faced before and i was not his best listener. No one could help him because he was alone. He pretende to be fine and escaped from all my curiosity towards him. Now i was here, sabah. A place that my family and close friends never reached here for me. I had to get my stuff ready and meals settled on my own. No transport and backup. Sometimes, i would feel helpless, because everyone was busy, seldom had time to entertain me :(. I did not havr boyfriend to care for what food i had for my lunch or dinner, who made ne angry or sad today. Luckily, my friends called me when she missed me and shared her situation with me. My family supported me and loved me like treasure.. I was lucky and i think boyfriend cpuld be not a part of my university life. I would survive! Yeah! less than 100days already xD Kah yao!!

Do you know

Do you know why I seldom close the texting conversation? Or why I prefer to ignore your messages? Because of a simple reason.. I dont wish to be ignored or waiting for a person to reply. I hate to wait because it hurts me a lot :( So i rather to be the cooler one :).

there is no wrong for being yourself

i have friends that are charming and attrast boys after them. I am one of not their same zone. I am a typical tradition girl who always stay on my own position. I don't fight for take initiative over a guy. I can ne said shy or inattractive. Anyway, i don't feel like to someone that not really me. i cant simply fb or sms a boy for fun. im jut not born to have that talent or interest. i love how im looked and how im being right npw. maybe it's hard for you to see that im shinning. i font care! even you say that i look like a vase, well, it is still me,special. i will not harden or totally change myself to others just to attract guys.. i want a boy that know that i can take care well of him and he loves me and willing to protect me and appreciate me till we die. i just need one. now, im searching for that guy, i hope you find me soon. :)

my starting in sabah

everytime when i looked at my friends' blogs, some ideas would just pass by my mind. i should attach more info and photos inside my blog. but then when i felt like to blog, i lost the mood to pick photos from my handphone. by that time i just told myself, 'hey, why not take it easy, it's just a space where i express all my feelings.' even now, i won't have the typical mood to change my layout or upload any photo. maybe, this is me. i do not need other to spot on my life through a website. just give me a call or sms me, i gurantee, i will reply you as soon as i can. not like last time :) now i love cht-chating. it makes my world filled with love and warmness :) and yea~ i was so surprised that i did my ptptn application before 15th of august. i just thought i missed the first batch. and now i was approved, i was just waiting for money to come~ hahahaha~ love it! although i was quite quiet in my room, my room mates were all so lovely. and for sure my room was a satu malaysia room. one chinese, sabahan, selangor malay and a murut chinese mix. the latter was so pretty but i found her loved to do things at the eleventh hour. i got my ptptn approved today while she was just applying==. and she was complaining to sleep. cool yea? my house was nicely decorated by the malays. you know, sometimes chinese are just too ego. we always thought that they were dirty and lazy, but now.. i felt shame on us. they had cleaned the toilet and shopped for sharing items themself. they shared with us and not asking for what. i was glad to be in this room. although it was hot andfull of mosquito. actually, i was admiring someone recently. he was not very handsome, not tall, not really great in academic but he was kind and nice. i was attracted to his personalities. though i knew his care was mainly because that his friends asked to, i like him :) he treated everyone of us so nice and heartful, i would never met someone like him. i knew, he would be a very nice guy.. a protective man :) so i just having secret admiration toward him. never let him to know. i just wan to make friend with him :) good luck ya! good boy.. hehe.. hope you wont know till the end of sabah days :)girls.. keep secret for me ha..:) haha.. take care everyone~ i'm amanda<3

any thing

today was free. we just had to choose our courses and register online. i finished it as fast as i could. i had registerd for spanish class. my ordinary plan iwas japanese, but i did not fit in the quota. quite sad for that. anyway, everything went smooth and i had a nice day. :) i chose lawan pedang for my kokum. i hoped that it wont disappoint me as i just could make a choice. :) beginning from now. i will try not to write out the sad part or incident happened on me.. emotionally :l) be happy n sweet :) actually, i like how u being right now. everything is simple and happy go lucky. it is nice to be ur friend :) i never realize that. i appreciate on all the helps u gave to us. finally, thanks tiara too :) i will try to become more hyperactive :) all the best to myself. i dont really think that i can find a bf here. maybe i was having skintone discrimination or technically speaking skil problem.. i preffer semenanjung guy. sometimes. i will envy those who is having boyf. at least, a call give 安全感。 when can i meet u? :) hope u appear soon..

short short report

i was having my biggest turning point of my 20yrs.. i had registered for university malaysia sabah, and now, i was a real mahasiswa already. first to talk abt the hostel.. hot n dirty.. i was lucky, because i had chose the most nice 2in1 study desk. i had hard days in sabah and i went through it day by day :) we had to compete for the bus ride, wash our own clothes and face the unexpectable incidents. i think i was bravo :) quite tired to write out al the things happened within these few days. wait i finish my orientation week first :) i started to acknowledge of a boy.. had a little crush on her :) i hope u wont mind, im just respecting and admire you :) btw, all the best to us.. all my friends and i., i love you!

我的恐惧

距离上大学的日子只剩下十四天了，心中难免有些矛盾，不知新生活会是什么样子。 我很难过，因为我即将离开，离开我的家，我的故乡，我的家人和朋友，还有我的回忆到陌生的地方开始我的人生。 我曾经的兴奋与期待已被恐惧淹没，心跳频率早不正常了。 我害怕收拾我的行李，我怕我要离开。 其实要离开槟城的人不止我而已，还有一些朋友即将到外国深造，好几年都得待在那儿。我，算什么？ 从小我没有离开过家人的庇护，我没有真正地独立过。 这会是我最大的考验，最好的成长锻炼，我只有撑过去。 今天，我终于加入安利团队了！ 我不敢确定我在这一行一定能闯出我的一片天，但至少我有这一个机会。 上天安排了这一条路给我，我相信，一定有它的原因。 我改变不了我的环境，我得改变我的心态。 挫折没什么打大不了的，只要我能接受，一定行得通的！ 素媚，别害怕，你是个被祝福的孩子，一定可以的！加油！

unexpected outing

i had ended my job in senyum mart on 31st july. so i asked my supervisor ah chye uncle and bee eng jie to have a meeting. we had high tea at chaistime and dinner at o2 leaf with wei leong. my unexpected outing was happened in the middle of getting lunch and dinner with them. i went out chatting with a friend together at jelutong busstop. he guided me to the bus stop and got in the 303 bus after some chat. i felt so familiar with this action. this was how i alwsys did with my friends when i was in form5. he paid for the bus ticket and we were heading to perangin. i felt safe :) and excited. we had window shopping and talking non stop. I found out that we had a lot of common interest. I like the atmosphere with him. I enjoyed walking beside him and stood in front of him when the bus were shaking. Maybe that he was tall and wide broader shoulder. He looked protective. It might be a short term illumination I got attracted by him for somehow... It had been so long that I did not get interested with a man. He was after him. I knew that I was just too lonely. And we were impossible to improve. Just wan u to know that you were a nice guy :) I don't know what u felt today, I was having a great happy day. I hope that u feel so. Thanks for walking beside me but not front of me. Accompanying me to shop and home. I felt chemically attracted. All the best and good luck to you. Thanks for ttreating like a good friend :) I will remember today :) even though u might just treat me like normal female friend.. Haha.. Have a nice day :)