迷茫

今天的我犯了大错。我竟然睡过头了。虽然这一般上是件小事，但是过分的是今天有期中考。进入大门的那一刻，所有人的目光都投射在我身上。我有想落泪的自责感。还在昏迷状况的我，教授很亲切地帮我借纸和给我考试，他们还特意延长了考试时间。我感恩我爸妈送我到学校，我感恩我今天有许多人给我便利。因为我的迷茫，所以我的结果，我承担。没有人来问候我，我感恩，因为我并不想难过得落泪。今天的错是第二次犯了，是罪有应得。虽然考试大概是挂了，但我会振作，不会再不清不楚了。考试我应该告诉父母，让他们可以预防我睡过头。加油！加油！重做考卷吧。不要觉得自己什么都不会。还有大考，一定要加油！再次感恩借纸和订书机的朋友。向迷茫革命。

给花痴收

这一段上大学的日子

身边的朋友一个一个地脱离了单身

眼见自己的年纪已迫近二十五

我无法不为自己忧心

不知道这世上能够与我相爱的人存在吗？

或许我前些日子早已能够步入双身

但其实我抗拒的原因却掺杂着一份的迷信

你相信吗

如果有人告诉你

你这年纪并不适合恋爱

恋爱会是你目前最大的绊脚石

我相信

或许你会觉得我荒谬

可是我选择相信

虽然相信并不是我想要的结果。

我还是想让人疼

让人爱

我想遇见那个你，

但是我知道这个时候我并无法遇上你

你觉得我过虑了

但是我愿信也不要赔上我的未来事业

你可以说我傻

我无法辩护，

因为我接受了一个并不是我愿意的言论

Let it go let it go

再奋斗两年吧！

春天会来的

给花痴的我收 <3

Result release liao

I have screenshot it down and i want to make myself feeling ashame and repent on my result. Except for calculus, i get all b for my core courses. But im feeling better that i get a for both my calculus and english. Luckily no c or b-. 3.47 overall. cgpa for my teras only 3.38?? Im thinking bad. Among all of our chinese coursemates, i might at the bottom. So forget about it. I purposely post it up just to make myself aware of my attitude and my aim to transfer course. Next semester onwards, i will not be working. So i should spend more times at study. This is a good motivator i guess :) kah yao ar!!

素媚，你在做什么？

         “素媚，你在做什么？”基本上，这句话只会被两种人套用。第一种，是真的想知道我在做什么，而另一种则是用在责问我的语气。当然，后者的使用率居多。“素媚，你又再做麽了？”最近的我迷糊得很，最严重的一次是前天我驾车忘了打方向灯，导致随后的摩托车差点翻覆。除此之外，也试过多算顾客百多令吉，离谱的是，事情是在一个星期后，才由我的上司发现。这可能是因为我太累还是快衰老了吗？我不能断定，只能想办法亡羊补牢。就算于事无补，也至少能让自己的罪恶感减低。

         话说回第一种问候，我就老实点承认最近的自己有一点桃花。，不多，就少许。起因是因为在家闲着没事就给自己拍了好几张高角度大头照，然后上载到面子书。原本宽阔的下颚变得跟美人儿一样（夸张修辞），此时网上就出现了好几个“陌生”朋友的关心。常常慰问近况，不然就是想约我见面。当然，我还不至于那么随便，我也知道我不可以在网上骗“单纯”的网友们，所以就婉转的拒绝了。当然，故事写到这，你必然觉得我本人有一点自恋，一点发骚，异常地好上钩。如果，真的自爱，坚定，就直接好了嘛，还婉转个什？唉，寂寞的单身女人，不这样找乐子，哪儿来的有趣呢？呵呵~放心，我会适可而止，不会太天真，太傻。只是偶尔会渴望有一个真心关心我的男人，为我买早餐。当然，条件是，必须是我心仪的男士，这样才能办到让我尝到幸福的味道。但回头想想，自己对人的用心和关怀都很少，要人家对我特好，那可是难事一桩。我不强求了，事情看开了，无论做什么事，都会很开心。

         我这三年来最值得让我自豪的是我学会给自己打气。这让我遇到难过的事都可以很容易再站起来。当我要生朋友的气的时候，我能做到忍让和放下。我很开心，因为我能接受责骂。所以，当你在问起我在做到什么的时候，我会告诉自己我在做着更好的自己。面对大家，我不需要怕，因为就算被你骂，我也会学习到其中的精华。谢谢我所有的过路人，我感恩。能接受自己的不完美，是你们教我的，学着改变也是你们的帮助。但愿，你们幸福快乐平安。 J

To him

I know you try your best to stay beside me when I'm emotionally down. Frankly, I am reluctant to waste your effort, you are a good man, but I'm not ready to have you. Perhaps, it has been something important that is missing between us. I tried to let you to get in my world, but then I realise we will never be in the same world. I want to let you know but I don't know how to get it started. Don't treat me good, I feel sorry for you, but being friend with you is a great thing in my life. Hmm.. just give me some time to tell you.

consequences of procrastination

Today was the second subject for my first year first semester. Analytical Chemistry. It was known to be the killer subject, regarding to our seniors. Since the last subject, which was Calculus, i felt like to bang my head on wall and roll my body down the hill. (just to release my frustration ) Everyone seemed to grade the final exam as easy as drinking water. However I got stuck in doing the exam. I was beaten. Today, this exam wasn't an easy one, for sure I couldn't excel as to relate to my title. I gave up on my paper 2 and I might not get above 25 per 50. How was I going to pass this paper? I wondered. Since the day I stepped on USM, I was getting stressed. In every test that was going on in USM, I would be nervous, and sometimes, I even couldn't sleep. Even the assignment was not an easy task. For me, these were not the bad part, the bad thing was there wasn't bell-shaped examination grading. There might be possibility to fail if I did not do well in final. I thought I was that kind of brilliant person, indeed, i was so discrete like a sand among my coursemates. My result was nothing if to compare with their flying colour results. I knew results were not a guideline to decide one's success anymore, but I did not discover my advantageous field besides of studying. What should I do to improve myself? I'm currently phobia to go for examination. It had became a nightmare. And yet, I was procrastinating my time on blogging. I should prepare for my next subject, gambatae neh~~~

You are still my best listener~~~~ :) energy boost up!!

facebook

login facebook has became one of the daily routine for the people nowadays. i used to be addicted to facebook, especially updating status. however, since i stepped on usm life, is became more concern of on the intention i give to others through status updates. it is very important to not spread out too much negative thoughts. i am learning to send out positive minds and encouraging myself to be more mature in sharing news. never post too much privacy in facebook, there is too much strangers and competitors to see how you fool your life. sometimes, i feel myself are getting lost and i have no place to lean on. facebook has to be forgotten as a place to release emotion. i wish someone do really talk in person with me instead f telling the whole world that im in trouble. i really want to hold your hand but im so scared to be hurt again. it doesnt feel the same like before, having puppy love but it feels like to be long term relationship. im not ready and yet i dont want to miss you. i want to try. listen to me and not to know me from facebook. it is all i want now.

indecisive

Well, I seldom share my personal update to friends recently. So it is better for me to write them here as some of my friends will look up from here. This mid sem break, I get my full rest and did nothing great seriously. haha. I went to Ipoh and stay a night at her house. I was seriously fond to observe her gor gor. I had never met such a big fat dog in my life. Moreover, it was an stray dog before my friend's family adopted it.
Ok, let's begin with my main point. I had been hanging out frequently with Jason in these few weeks. This included lunch, dinner, supper and movie. I didn't have a proper reason to explain my action. I just did what my heart told me to. I thought he would never start up the topic, but it happened yesterday. I accompanied him to shop in Tesco. After that, he helped me to install Microsoft to my laptop in his car. He hold my hand suddenly and asked me whether want to take care of him. I went blanked and couldn't react. I replied 'no' with laughter. He let off my hand and continued with the installation. The second time was when he suddenly interlocking our fingers and asked me to become his girlfriend. Frankly, I was vacillated, I couldn't reject nor accept. It had been too fast for me but yet he was nice for me. So i replied to give me some times and we remained the same.
i'm sure my friends will think what i've done are absurdity, i feel the same too honestly, I will just give myself some time to understand more about him. never be too impetuous even i'm hesitated. Wish me all the best :)

My New Experience

Honestly, being fitted in USM gives me some pressure. Perhaps, I used to spend my life alone without feeling any awkwardness. Now I am situated in a new environment, watching my close friend mixing well with the others, while I always keep on distance. Sometimes, I feel like a looser, but at last I tell myself, I have my own thought, I can't just follow what others always think of. everyone will never be the same. I don't have to force myself to be something I feel uncomfortable with. At least I can work and socialize with others, i'm not a weirdo.

Recently, actually it is not suitable to named it as recently. Umm.. Maybe for the past few months? I have been chatting with a guy from wechat. His name is Jason, 25yrs old. We keep connected by only texting but not showing any voice nor photos. We can talk anything and can reply anytime we want and never blame or sorry for any late replies. I never see his face from album and i thought he may look fat and clumsy. Then we finally dated each other for a dinner.

I was damn shocked when i first met him in front of the gsc cinema. He wasn't tall but he was good looking. Perhaps, I like sporty thin guys. He was a sport lover, he looked totally out of my imagination. He used to talk gently and like to observe people's personalities. Our first dinner was in Sushi Tei. Imagine. I was dined with a stranger I had never met before. I felt like went for some ancient blind date. Just kidding. He gave me good impression. He paid the bill around RM90 for the dinner. Hmm.. Generous? I just enjoyed the date. A special friend who I knew this way.

Now we are still in contact. I like the way we connected. I can tell him my thoughts and never expect him to answer as what my close friends do. We don't even have each others' Facebook. We never say thing crossing over the line. He is a very innocent guy even he is 4yrs older than me, but yet he is matured in thinking. We never discuss relationship topics, but just being all-talk friend. Super comfortable. Hard to find someone like this. This Sunday we are going to watch 'The Flu'. Anticipate for the day :)
Long live 'stranger friend' like this. haha :)

New Updates on My University Life

It has been almost a month I was entitled as an USM student. Seriously, being an APEX student is different. People don't like to make comparison, but I do, always. There are definitely many things different from UMS. First to mention is the scale of the universities. USM has spent or I might call invest a huge modals in sustaining the honorary of being qualified as the first and the only APEX university in Malaysia. Not going on so details, but I have lost inside campus for a couple of times. I have to imagine a way to reach a destination. Unlike in UMS, the buildings are clearly stated and not confusing. To reach a destination, a bus can bring us all over the places in UMS. However, the best thing about USM is the bus service. it is more punctual and systematic.

The second to mention is about the convenience of getting products and services. Least to mention about the bustling in Penang, shopping complexes and grocery shops are easy to reach. Inside campus of USM, they provided chances for their students to start business. Most of the stalls and printing services are handled by USM students. That is what makes USM different from just producing graduates. Facilities in both hostel and public places are really conducive for the students to carry out daily life and studies. Especially the library. I used to stay at the library to complete my assignments as the computers and internets are provided. Oh ya, not to forget about the wifi. USM has the greatest wifi service. I guess. We have internet connection wherever in our campus and hostels. It is very wonderful and convenient for us.

So, I stop it here first, to be continue next time when i'm free from assignments :) Glad to be here :D