today....

2day is an ordinary day...
boring life...
boring day...
still a boring mey....haiz...
excited coz de sch is near to reopen di...
but i felt stress coz nex yr is de last yr 4 mii to study in heng ee...
near spm liao...wana graduate liao...haiz...
not so happy tis yr...
since frm1...
i oways hope tat faster graduate...
but now...not anymore...
i satisfied 4 my life now liao...not ready to change yet...
i oways think tat...
wat will we all bcome after 5 or 10yrs...
haha...maybe i'll become thinner...richer or some1 is adi married...
i can't wait to c it...
maybe...ykh n tyc bcome de best partners(getting married)
i hope both of them can together...coz they should be...haha...
n mii become de most popular buisness woman of de world...haha
i'm dreaming again...but i'll try to achieve it,if i can...
tis is my ambition abt my future...
n i'll find a man tat love mii more den i love him...
de man must be more clever den mii,
richer den mii...
taller den mii...
gud in interact wif others...
kind...
n many many more....
but life r not follow wat we wan...
we can juz can found de better but not de best...
haiz...
tat's all de life mean...
try de best to suit urself into de worst part to get better life...
deep??
haha...
i think so...haha...
not many ppl get wat i mean evrytimes...
but i dun mind it...juz tat i noe wat i mean...
haha...

gossips

i noe tat i'm not perfect...
n i oso like 2 gossips n critics on others...
u can hate mii...
u can talk abt it face to face wif me...
i dun care...coz u r not de 1 i should be care abt...

de1st ppl i like to talk abt is...
CSY...
y she always being so palsu??
can't she being reals...4 juz 1 time?
i hate she is always acting in front of us...
4 mii it is a pity girl if her life is juz oni a lies world...
can't she speak de truth wif mii???
or i really tat difficult to communicate??

2nd ppl...
TYY...
r u real too??
y can't i detect wat u wan??
u treat mii v gud...
but sometimes i feel sori tat i oways put u aside when somethings happen...
i hate myself when i did tat to u...
but in tis month...i frequently think tat r u really treats mii gud or u wana something frm mii??
i noe i'm selfish when i think like tat...but wat u says i not really accept it now...sori...

3rd ppl...
myself...
i feel tat i'm not a true person too...
i c haze when i think tat who i m...
in compared...i hate myself more den luv myself...

CONCLUSION:evry1 is not perfect...but we can try to liv happier...being a actor in life is not de best way to enjoy life...so lets us being true n nature...

i had did something bad to my family...

24th dec...
we go to countdown in gurney...
i dun had cellphone wif mii at tat time...
afterwards...
when we bac home...
i go downstairs(hung's house)to online...
coz my com in my house can't access de frenster website...
i n shi min slept overnite at his house...
actually i wake up at around 10am...
i scared tat my mom dunno where i am..
so i walk out frm de bedroom...
i saw moon's hp show tat my mom ph mii at around 9.50am...
i'm like de ants on fire...
but i can't do anythings...
coz de hp is not mine 1...
i can't use it without permission...
i can't found khai hung...
i wana to use his home phone...but i couldn't find him..
he maybe sleep in his parents room...i'm not sure...
i dun wan wake up shi min...
bcoz she is sleeping anyway...
so i'm being so greedy tat i decide to continue sleeping...
when de nex wake up...
it's adi 1.30pm...
my bro had called mii 4 4times through moon's hp...
he scolded mii badly...
i cried in my bedroom...
i unlock myself in de room...
his words is kept swim in my brain...
i mad wif myself...i hate to b like tat...
but after locking in de room 4 2 or 3hrs...i came out...
i had not eaten anything since de christmast eve...steamboat...
i out to find things to eat...
i think throughly...i really wrong...haiz...
tat nite...my bro phone...
he told mii tat he had bought a new cellphone 4 mii...
i'm v appreciate him...
i tried to broke de silence btw mii n my mom...
coz i din talk too much wif her since i walk in my house...
i felt v v v sori to any1 tat i hurt b4...
actually,
i'll felt no good when i did tat when i din even realize it...
SORRY...

boring dayssss without hp...

since i lost my hp...
now i noe hw important is my phone to mii...
my life become extremely meaningless...
if it still continue like tis...
i'm afraid tat i would bcome crazy!
i can't contact wif my frens...
i'm bcome outside of de world...
but wat can i do??
i now hav no $ to buy de new hp...
additionally,
my hp no is in my bro hand...coz my hp no is register wiv his name...
i hav no idea...
de fastest time i could get new hp must b after new yr...
it is either i buy wif my own $ or my bro...
my mum won care mii wan...haiz...
bad luck!
wat can i do now??
i dun like de days tat without hp...
it likes tat i'm alone in tis universe...
hate it!

quite a bad day 2 suffer...(21stDec2008)sunday

mii 2day go to queensbay wif mei xue,polly,yi ching n yin ling...
we decide to watch movie...coz mei xue said tat she never watch movie in cinema b4...
i wear red cloth n a three suku jeans...
i din bring any bag coz i lazy 2 bring it over here n there...
i walk to yi ching house...
her father drove mii n yin ling there...
i c she n her sis r watching de conan...
omg!de movie i din ever wana 2 watch...
but i noe it is a nice movie...juz it not suite 4 mii...
haha...
dun beat mii...conan's fans...
we watch de movie(the day de earth stood still)
n i watch it by my legs up...
hey...
i din say tat i'm v 'su boon' wan...haha...
n maybe bcoz of tat...i lost my hp...
i had used it 4 4 yrs...
although it is not valuable now...
but i still like it...
i adi biasa wif all de function...
n i hav many secret in my phone...
if i lost my hp...
it is same like i lost all de connection wif my frens...
de hp no...haiz...
i din even realize it when i walk out frm de cinema...
yi ching n yin ling went home when de movie is finished...
n i follow mei xue n polly continued to shop...
we go grab cheap n nice clothes like de auntie in de market...
we go padini...
it is more discount (50% n 70%)
we choose few pants n shirt to de fitting room...
but de fitting room has many ppl r queing in line to get in de room...
we oso went queue...
we three go in de same room to save time...
but de licik polly din look away frm us when we start to try de skirts...
afterwards...
i buy a jean skirt...
n mei xue buy 2 'diao dai shi ku'...
polly still got nothing today...
den when we wan continued shop...
i start to realize tat my hp is not wif mii anymore...
we go de fitting room n de cinema to check out...
but they hav de same ans...
tat is 'no'...haiz...
when i go in de cinema...
i had turn off my phone...
n my hp nid password to open it...
we den go de digi shop to cut of my line 4 temporary...
they call us to phone to de digi centre...
i talk to de michelle(de digi centre operator)
after i made de call by using mei xue's hp...
they told mii tat i speak in a v weird way...
tat is by using china vocal...haha
i never realize tat i could sound like tat...
actually i'm v appreciate to mei xue n polly...
coz they help mii a lot...
den i phone to my daddy n told him tat i lost de hp...
he is v angry...n scold mii on phone...
haiz...
i tell him i bac at 7 o'clock...
den when de time is close...
i wait at de biggest entrance in queensbay...
i felt sori to both of them...mei xue n polly
tat i had made many problems to them...
sori n thx a lot 4 u two...
haiz...
now i couldn't receive 'his' sms adi...
i nid my phone!!
but my big bro said tat he won buy new hp 4 mii...
haiz...
when i could receive his sms again?
i had lost de message frm him tat means a lot to mii...
so sui...

19-12-2008(friday)

2day polly come 2 my house...at around 7am...early in de morning...
v sleepy...i'm so clumsy when she saw mii...coz i haven bath yet...
haha...i'm dirty cat...lazy 2 bath....
we go jelutong market after i took my bath n eat my breakfast(hokkien mee)
we go by bus...we saw no1 we regcognise in de market...
quite disappointed...
afterwards we go bukit dumbar which is near by de market to jogging...
oh...i 4got tat we oso brought rackets to play badminton...
we wore de same clothes...(library adi haram wan de clothes,de green color wan)
haha...
we din play badminton...coz de wind was too strong adi...
so we decided 2 jog nia...but i wore slippers...haha...
we juz able 2 jog 5-6 steps nia adi stop...haha...
go tat far do nothing...lame....
den we start 2 talk abt de telematch in library...
we thought of many game...
i'm excited...especially de cicak game...haha...
after we had all decided...
we back home to makan...
we eat nasi ayam ....my dad buy wan...
den we bring de bicycle borrowed frm ykh in de morning to de ground floor to cycle...
we met ykh...n his mom...
something funny...
polly says tat his mom looks like saw phaik ai...haha...
den ykh come practice motor...
haha...he looks funny on motor...
i sit behind him when he ride motor...
he said i'm de 1st fren tat sit his motor...haha
he oso de 1st guy tat drive mii on motor....
polly is v qun...
she is cycling bicycle...but she acts many difficult action 2 challenge ykh...haha
den mei xue come...
we teach her how 2 cycle...
haha...
she oways threw de bike away when she is imbalance...she said safety 1st wo...haha...
she went up n down de bike in v strange way...i couldn't describe it....it juz weird n funny...
den in de nite...
we go pasar malam near my house...
haha...
we ate lok lok...
i think i had not eaten lok lok since i was 5...
nice try...
den we bought taiwan fried chicken(cheese favour wan)
den we start to buy clothes...
mei xue wan buy shoe...
i wan buy shoe n shirts...
but polly juz wan come to eat nia....
i wonder how come she so thin although she like to eat v much...haha...
den i bought a pair of shoes...bling bling wan...i v like it...
den i oso buy a dress...nice wan...haha...
we den met shi min n her sis...
haha...
we den walk n c more clothes...
finally we finished de market walk...
i n mei xue bought ice-cream to eat...
n polly n mei xue buy a few buns...or called piza roti...
den polly oso buy some pieces of cake...buy 3 free 1 n a small free gift...
den we wan back di...coz it is near 9.30 liao...
polly is quite scary 4 mii...
coz she din c road or car wan when she cross de ma lu...
haha...
den 2day finished adi...i had many memory 4 my holidays 2008...haha...
but something i still can't get it...
it is "his" message...sms...
i wait 4 his sms 4 many days di...haiz....
but nvm...i still hav my frens cares...its enough...
hav a nice day!

today...

2day i wake up v early...
bcoz tat i wan to buy new clothes 4 de chinese new yr...
haha...
yesterday,mii lyy,pjw n och go pasar malam at farlim...
we oso go 4 hiking...
och n lyy r feeding de mosquito...haha...
at nite...
we eat kfc...
och belanja mii...
juz bcoz i'm in 5s1...haha...i'm v lucky...
we decide 2 buy clothes 4 de 24th wan...
but finally we got nothing home...
juz de lame och had bought de stupid jacket n a cloth...haha...
i got nothing home... n got scolden by my daddy n bro...
wat a big misunderstanding....
so 2day i decided 2 buy some clothes...
ihad bought 2 shirt n a pant...
one of de clothes has no sleeves...
haha...dunno nice on mii or not... but i like it....
haha... i wan try new things...
dun laugh when u c mii...
i'm juz exploring 4 my new way...
haha...
something bad happen...
och is dehydrates...
he like kena aedes...
cirit birit,fever n oso vomit...
pity guy...haiz...no one got hurt except him...
haha...
actually...juz now...i'm v happy...
de guy i admire now,msn wif mii...
although we talk nonsense mostly...
but i'm still happy wif it...haha...am i stupid?
i wish u oways happy...
n i hope u won noe wat i think bt u 4 now...
haha...
actually i was happy when u said u feel good on mii...
its fantatics...haha...
hope tat u n mii r given a chance...
u r de 2nd ppl tats make mii wanna own u throughly...
ur smile...keep dip in my heart...
i wish u could realize mii in soon... haha...
da jia wan shui!!!

wat i experience frm 11th to 14th dec...

i had went 4 de camp held on 11 till 14th dec...
it is a fun camp 4 mii...
i had join camping 4 5 times...
tis 1 is de best experience b4...
especially de bamboo dance n de nite we all slept on de skate park...
i learnt 2 built up a tent on de 1st day...
but de most xia sui is tat...
we did it quite badly...
haha...
finally they all had 2 rebuilt it...
haha...
de camp is at youth-park...
on de 1st day we all slept in de tents...n we talked ghost story in de middle in nite...
v scary... i ran away when they still talk...
de toilet is not enough 4 our girls n
4 addition...
we girls took v long time 2 get our body clean...
so i bathed few times oni a day...
haha...i'm v busuk...
de friday,
children came 4 de camp di....
they all looks v little n small...v cute
but i dunno wether i'm as cute like them not when i was at their age... haha...
i am not a good kids communicator...
so tats de oni things i feel bad...
on friday...
we play flour...
like crazy ppl..
de keji jun kai...
smash de flour into my eye...
wat a pain...
i volunteer as a pc...
pc is not computer...
it stands 4 programe coordinators...
we nid 2 heat up de atmosphere of de whole camp...
so de1st thing 2 do id 2 shout loudly...
i quite dislike junwei bcoz he oways stay like a big straight wood tat oni can walk...
he even can't shout 4 his own patrol...
i wonder hw he bcame a cc(children coordinators)...
mii,moon n jk r working 4 de "bamboo dance"...
4 mii it looks easy den wat it really is...
i can't afford 2 dance...
mii n moon play de bamboo by hitting de bamboo with tempo...
n jk calculate 4 de marks n demonstrate de game 4 de kids...
i feelso sori 4 de 1st team which is betong
coz we had make some mistake abt de dance n i had hited de kids legs bcoz of my own mistake...
i saw 1 thing v disgusting 4 mii...
de katherina...de 1 wif de big breast had did a action tat i couldn't 4get...
i dunno hw 2 describe...
juz i felt wat a FxxK she is doing in front of a guy to rayu 4 marks...
i hate tat kind of girls...
hey,she is oni 16yrs old nia...same age wif mii...hw come she can do like tis...like a cheap 'chick'in geylang..
sori 4 being so rude...
but something v interest is tat jk had drunk my water wif tidak sengaja...haha...
although it is not v funny...bt tis is de 1st time got guy had drink my water...
as i remember i had drank some1 water when i was stan. 4 or 5...
de boy i admire of his talent,he is quite handsome too...
n tis incident made mii think of him...haha...
den de last patrol arrived on our station...
i hate both of their cc,frm team langkawi...
they r so irresponsible abt their children...
hate them...if they wan dating ...pls go somewhere else ok? de camp is not suit 4 couple 2 come kiss...
when de game finished...
i got a breaking news... tat i can stay in s1... i'm v happy n i cried... i hug chia howe...
1st time hugging a guy... many 1st time here...
i luv li fuan... she helps mii a lot...
at nite,
we play ET hunt...
n mii,lyy,jing wei n jonathan r being de alien...
its quite fun 4 us...coz we can shout...haha...
zi yin, moon n ykh r pretent is killed by de alien...
de way of ykh die was v funny...
tat nite..we had no camp to slip...we had to choose either in room or outdoor...
i defenately wan to try outdoor...
mii,moon,tyc,tyy,qiu mei,jk,jonathan n chicken little(new friend)...
we slept at de skate park,de park is so big...
de moon is so bright n round...tis is de 1st time i think tat de moon is v bright in nite...
lyy n ykh r not here wif us bcoz they r commitees... n they be here more late...
unfortunately,
de sky started to rain...
we rushed back 2 de camp site...
n finally we sleep at de floor wif roof beside de kids' tents...
on saturday,
we play station game...i,jing wei,chun jie,a kok work 4 de horizontal cross...
n i nid to hold 4 de kids to prevent them frm falling face to de ground...
tuan ker is oway sang here n there n mostly talk nonsense...haha...
i felt v tired 4 standing there giving support 4 de kids...n i oso hungry enough...
when we finished de game...
i go to de x-cross station which juz beside us n start to play coz many ppl exclaimed at there...
but de bad thing is de rope had dropped when i stepped on it...
haiz..i nid 2 lose my weight more...
on de afternoon,
they play vs game...
n mii,moon n yi ching r 'collecting rubbish' but we actually dun...
we got nothing 2 do except watching wat other pc doing...
we three go to one of de station....which use water gun...n i shoot some kids juz 4 fun,n we quickly went 4 bath...
coz tat de bathroom is too little,n we dun wan 2 compete toilet wif de kids..
on tat nite...
we got camp fire...4 mii,de camp fire can oni be describe in 1 word....BORING!
when we went there...we saw 'wu gong'...we got shock n nex...nothing
de rain begin to fall...
we get back n take raincoat...
i gave my raincoat to yy n yc n i shared wif moon...
i exchanged name card wif melody(jing wei)juz 4 fun...
i wanna to take snap on tat time but we can't....
finally...de camp fire is ended...
mii,jing wei,jk,lyy,moon,ykh,jonathan n yiching decided to not sleep at nite n walk to de gurney or anywhere...
but at de end we din go...coz there r too many crimes at nite...so we try to order mcdonald,but we din hav de full add...so we went sleep at de skate park...
de nite was v calm n sweet,its a beautiful nite...
i sleep as a pig tat nite...
when i wake up,de day is adi bright...n de kids r adi prepared to go 4 de hiking...
we start to climb de hill,n we pc r called to protect de kids,
when we get up de hill...we saw somthing interesting...de langkawi couple r kissing AGAIN...
we ate hotdog roti,then play de 'ai you ping pong piang' n gav punishment.... n finally we get back to de kaki bukit
we sang many songs during down de hill... i felt successful coz i start to spoke wif some kids...n i get feedbacks frm them...
when we reach de ground...there r many parents waiting 4 their kids...
we greet de child by sitting on de floor...
although we looks messy,we get a lot of fun...
b4 we get back...we ate de nasi kandar...quite nice,it taste far better compared to de foods day b4...
in conclusion...i like tis camp...i wish to join 4 de next yr...

i'll would not collapse....no wonder de future is how abt...

Finally... i can use my internet adi...
hate myself...
y always so stupid...
2day is not a v gud day 4 mii...
Actually,
i'm so disappointed wiv myself...
y can't i learnt 2 b more optimistic??
Evrythings is happen non in my control...
i wish 2 kill myself...
but i c something fresh 4 mii these few day...
from a book...
nothing is all in ur control,
although evrything is kept changing,
but we can leart 2 b more happy...
actually,de problem mii face now maybe is not a serious problem...
i hav a perfect body...
i have a lovly family...
n i hav many friends...
i'm not lonely...
i'm not de one who is being left behind
de important is hw i think...
so frm now onwards...
i must oso thinks 4 gud...
stop afraid of this n tat...
Energy!
i nid energy!!