自论

是不是男生在第二段感情才会珍惜并且光荣地大事炫耀？我觉得无奈中也有少许的挫折感。以前，你从来不会主动在面子书来往，但你做到了。你现在显得更珍惜她。或许我应该放下，但我始终会不甘心。我已不爱你了，但我很怀念那感觉。或许我不会再找到一个我可痴可狂的人了，但我真的希望会找到。这次，我只想去爱，不用担心一些遥远的未来。我很想陷入爱，但我失去了憧憬的能力。有人说我很奇怪，思想总是有点现实。我知道男人的话只有七十分是真话，所以我相信世界一直在变，根本没有永远的传说。我是个没有童话和小说的女孩，你会嫌弃我吗？我知道我要的是个怎么样的男生，我很努力地在寻找。如果我找不到，那我不结婚好了。为了年纪结婚，没有意义。我情愿自己过自己。当然，我不希望我最后得如此。我只能把自己交给命运，保佑我哦！ xD

doomed week

i had some unhappy incidents happened during my weekend. my group assignment was only 9 marks out of 15. by the time, my mind was just blanked out. i was so sad and worried. after knowing the result, we were doing on out doing on our presentation and it meant us another 15marks, but we did not prepare well for that. I was so frustrated and unhappy during that time. I never expect that everything messed up and ended like this. mei xue was right, we must change our own attitudes. There was nuseless to be clever and good in study only. Attitudes were the utmost important elements in life. He taught us a valuable lesson. I would never forget this. yeesterday i went to christmas party and i felt that my coursemates were having tight bonds within them. I felt indifferent among them, especially when they get to forget my presence easily. i was not a part of them Even mei xue mix well with them, i dont feel the same. Perhaps, we are from the different frequency. I could not continuously to be such outspoken and polite all the time. I need to find a diiferent type. Today i made tang yuan with them, i get ignored in some ways too. i felt a bit hypocritic with them and that is not me. i miss my highschool friends. i miss home. there will be another 25days. Saw Mey, jia you in final! survive! change attitudes in next sem :)

The final week of lecture

This is the final lecture's week.

This does mean that my first semester in UMS is going to end.

Excited?

No, instead I have no special feelings about it,

 except knowing that i will be home soon.

I wish that I will be as active as I thought,

however,

I give up in the process.

I want to quit from PTH.

I feel disappointment when I know that I cannot decide on what I want from them.

I do not feel that I am a part from them.

Indeed, 

I quit because I do not want to be in casting group.

If it is preferable, 

I hope that I can be in the backstage helpers,

perhaps, help to design stage or find sponsorship.

Since, I have no right, I think it is better for me to quit.

I want to learn something that I am interested but not forcing me.

I hate to act~

Yesterday I had my Spanish oral test.

Well,

I think I did well, at least I could understand and answer most of my professor's question.

My last fight will be my final exam. 

I hope that I would not ruin anything.

I wish I could get at least an A.

Actually,

exam in university level is not that hard to score.

However, 

the hardest part is doing all the assignments.

Assignments and reports already marked for 60marks from overall.

So, 

even someone gets high marks in exam,

it doesn't assure that he'll be getting his A.

Especially for people like me.

I did not play serious on my homework.

So it is quite tough for me to depend on my assignments.

Just what the fuck!

Finally, I get my bronze medal from my competition chairman.

Well, honestly to say,

the reward is useless in reality.

A medal without certificate.

What is the usage of getting a medal?

YES!

I am a realistic woman,

I won't like a guy who is in poverty or different skin.

It is the same story,

I won't like the shinny medal that doesn't useful for my future life.

Just give me a cert! WTH..

Last week, things just gone mad.

I'm wondering what to buy before back to Penang.

Hmm..

So unwaited to go Gaya Street on this coming Sunday.

Add oil! Saw Mey!

<3 letitia="letitia" mey="mey" p="p" saw="saw">

Mixture of feelings

Let's start with my good news here in Sabah.

Well, I earned my first glory since my university life started. 

I won myself a bronze in last Saturday Female Fencing Closed Competition 2012.

There were 29 competitors excluding the guys, and I managed to be outstanding among us.

This glory would be an memorable one, as I never expected for it and actually I could win it.

Nothing is impossible! Even someone like me, a person who lack of practices. xD!

I'm gonna show my medal this coming Saturday after the prize giving ceremony. :)

I had involved in the committees for the fencing competition, and I was one of the dt.

I had to learn a bit more from the Engard system and comprehend with my leader.

I think I learnt a lot through out the process even we did not carry on the competition perfectly.

I had learnt a little bit more on to control a circumstance when the leader disappearing of being a leader.

When the other group members abandoned their responsibilities, 

I learnt to pick up the job and tried to complete them in a solution.

My leader supported me and I trusted myself that I could be a leader one day.

It was really get nearer to what I dreamt for.

To be in Sabah, unexpectedly, 

I absorbed and adapted even more than if I were studying in Penang or KL.

I started to build up greater confidence in combating hardship, 

due to no one reached me here to help me.

Recently, there were rumours around our campus saying that there were rape cases happening.

One was after the Bon Odori night and the other one was at my hostel area.

The latter happened when she was filling her bottle at the water machine.

Rumours stated that the girl was raped by our security guard, 

what in my mind was 'yucks!'

They even said that our HEP offered her a first class honour status just to cover the case happened.

How terrify to listen about this.

Our school was not protecting us and giving us our right,

instead,

they tried their best to concealed it just to protect their reputation.

Then how about the girls' reputations?

That was like an invisible scarlet letter for the lady, her own.

I heard that they said the girl tried to commit suicide in few days ago,

the incident was too cruel and miserable to her.

However,

she failed to take off her own life.

I wondered how her family would be?

My daughter was put on a crime like this and suffered all the consequences by herself.

The rapist should be the one receive the punishment and humiliation!

Not fair at all!

I just think,

if I were in the same situation,

I would not be couraged to continue my life with that horrible memory.

God bless the victims.

Currently,

I'm in worries almost everyday.

Worrying about the assignments that still haven't started, not even an alphabet.   

Anyway,

I just left 36days here.

Sem1 will be ended soon.

I just can't wait for it.

Wait for the flight day to depart!

Before that, 

Saw Mey gambatae! :p

Saw Mey Letitia<3 p="p">

I need positive energy

Well, there were a lot of unhappy incidents happened within past two weeks.

I lied to one of my coursemate and ended up wound on both of us.

Honestly, I was so sad and fed up in this incident and I could not deny that I was responsible for that.

I surged into misery by the day we turned up each other.

I wondered how we were going to work together on the fencing competition. 

So sucks!

I was feeling so bad.

Anyway, let's talked about something interesting of my past two weeks. :)

The first thing was fighting for the MY FM concert ticket!

So unbelievable that they are going to held a concert in our campus hall. 

Wao! That's amazing!

Mei Xue and I were craving for the tickets while we were unable to purchase that.

So nice that our coursemates kept 2 tickets for us and we had the chance to go for the event!

Secondly, I went to spared at the Fencing Centre at Likas, Sabah.

It was a fresh try out and I enjoyed the night a lot!

The first time I get on the fencing coat and fight with a foil.

Really different and exciting even I was not really excellent in that. xD

Next was the Bon Odori held on last Saturday night at Dataran Dewan Canselor.

Even though there were not much stalls set up,

I was enjoyed for the day :)

There was a variety of Japanese cuisine stalls and Sushi King was included!

It had been 2 months I hadn't tasted it.

So excited that I could enjoy to the max.

Hahaha!!!

Then I had joined the Nestle Breakfast Hunt on the Sunday morning.

I was the one who called on the event again :)

We woke up at 5am morning and got our free Maggi, Milo and Nescafe breakfast. :)

It was at the Dataran Padang Kawad which was just near to my hostel.

Ptiy that Li Chuen had to walk so far to get to there :D

My group is made up from Mei Xue, Li Chuen, Shu Teng (housemate), Yoke Mun(coursemate) and I :)

It was so challenging that we had to run almost 6km up and down the hill in 2hours time :)

To find clues along the roads, Haha!!

At the end, 

we did not won any victory,

but we received a goodies bag and enjoyed a good day :)

It was fun to be active when no one asked you to :)

My Spanish Mid-term had came out, 

I got 18.1 out of 20 marks.

Hahaha!!

Sorry that I had not reply all of the mails from you all,

I got a lot of assignments and reports to pass up these few weeks and the coming two weeks.

So tired of that.

Additionally, my celcom broadband was malfunctioned right now.

I guessed I would cut off it if they did not fix it as soon as possible.

Haha..

Finally, RM1000 is coming. 

Haha!!

Tiara please don't jealous!! Wahahahaha!!

Mid-term exam end like shit

I had an absolutely busy and terrible morning, 

which meant I did worst in my mid-term.

Sucks! FML!

FYI, 

my earth and planet test included 40 true and false questions.

I thought that would be kindly easy, 

but guess our lecturer was about to kill us.

By the time I read the last sentence on my last page,

'Fuck' was the only word I could say about the test.

'1mark will be given for correct answer and 0.25 mark will be deducted for each wrong answer.'

Fuck! We were not medicine students, my lecturer just treated us like genius.

Anyway, that was not yet the most terrible story.

I only knew to answer 1 out of 40 questions,

guess how genius our lecturer was.

I had to make choice for myself,

to fail or to play a gamble?

So I chose to complete all those 'terrifying' questions and yet,

I was so unwaited to know how horrible my result would be.

The exam just wasted my night, fuck off!

The next was my politics mid-term.

So tonto that I had make a silly mistake while answering the exam. 

I was so fed up!

I guess I need to eat something good and full to release my emotion.

Next week I am going to have Etika presentation,

it is also considered as an oral test.

I hope every assignments end up in perfect square. Good luck!! :)

Trying to cheer up myself by counting down the days left.

Haha!!

Less than 60 days in Sabah,

33 days of lectures and tutors!

Survive!!!

yeah~~!! Going back soon :)

Happy xD

Well, I am about to go for my Titas class,

in a rainy day, carrying my laptop.

I just hope everything goes smooth and peacefully.

God bless :D 

Saw Mey Letitia <3 p="p">

Relax

Well, my Earth and planets mid-term had postponed to this coming Wednesday.

Some of my coursemates were so frustrated with the announcement.

For me, 

it was the same except I had more time to prepare :)

I'm going to have my spanish mid-term on monday and my politic mid-term on Wednesday.

It is a busy week as I had to hand up 2 reports and 1 assignment this coming week.

As usual,

I continue to procrastinate and leave my stuffs done day before the date.

Actually, I would like to upload some of my life photos here, 

unfortunately,

I don't have a proper memory card that suits my laptop.

So I have to wait until I get back to my sweet hometown :)

Okay, stray my topic to yesterday event.

My friends in Penang had a steamboat gathering.

Most of my friends in 5s1 attended and they enjoyed a lot without those who came to Sabah.

Honestly, 

I was so upset that I couldn't involve in such a big gathering,

 and I had not involve in any midnight activity since i was in Sabah.

Especially to have movie~~

Lol!!

I had some chat with my housemates yesterday and I was so fascinated with that :)

It was a pillow talk that I never had so long ago.

I miss to have midnight talk in car and in someone's house with Xiao Zhao and friends :D

Since I came here, I was touched with everything that my friends done for me.

Include adding me for buddy plan,

create a blog specially for me,

and buy a smartphone specially to contact me??

Haha..

Everything makes me feel i'm being loved.

My family gives me support and do anything for me.

I am appreciate with everything happens around me.

Thanks to Mei Xue who always stay with me in Sabah when I need.

You are my lucky star and beloved friend even you are quite annoying. Haha :)

No offend, I still love you.

I hope that you'll forgive my mistakes and continue to face challenges together.

May God bless all of us,

include my family and my friends.

In health, in happiness, in wisdom and peace.

Currently, 

I am so desperate to read some buddhism related books.

To gain my mind power, wisdom and peace.

I had borrowed once and I returned it unread.

Therefore,

I hope I can do it before my sem break approach. :)

Lead me out of suffer.

by Saw Mey Letitia <3 nbsp="nbsp" p="p">

Ignoring those disappointment

I thought I could make my first business here, 

but everything got spoil.

My study mood got screw up and I was so fed up at some point.

Even though I didn't really put hope on this, she gave me unreal anticipation.

Anyway,

just got out of the typical emotion and move on!

Today is my dad 59th birthday!

My sis brought my whole family excluded me to have Tao's buffet!

You know how much I have desired for sushi??

Owh~ It is too bad for me to absent.

Well, I call to home and have some chat with them.

There are so many memories with them,

I just wish to get home soon :)

I'm going to have my Earth and Planets mid-term exam tomorrow.

I know and I hear rumours saying that the subject is hard enough to make someone jaw drops,

I don't want to waste my mind starring those notes through slides.

It was just too awful for my eyes :D

So I give up,

but at least I have look through,

just not sincere and detail enough. xD!!

So don't expect to get high mark and good feelings tomorrow :(

Anyway, we are going to Amway Shop tomorrow, 

I gonna see what to buy xD

Hahaha!!

Well, 

let me revise again before I sleep,

not to guilty after that.

No regret :)

I love life!~

Good luck and all the best for tomorrow exam! ;p

by Saw Mey Letitia <3 p="p">

Better

I went to Health Office today as our Environmental Health field trip.

The day was so boring that I nearly slept in the conference room with the presence of my 'lovely' prof.

I ignored most of the speech given by the officers and I did remember some diseases info.

It was still fresh in my mind, now too. *clap for myself

Well, 

Mei Xue and I asked some manuals and leaflets from the health promote department,

and we started the trend to collect those from officers there.

Cool ya? xD

Luckily we ended our trip 5hours earlier than we told to be, 

I was so appreciate for that.

Due to the earlier dismiss,

I got time to rest.

I slept at 2am almost everyday,

I wondered why I behaved like this since holiday started.

I had done my assignments peacefully today and I did a lot of additional works on them.

I felt incredible for myself already.

I was informed that government was giving out rm250 for citizens under 21years old.

I tried my luck for application even the news stated that we were not in the range of people qualified for it.

Who knew, miracles appeared.

Besides that, 

I completed my quiz in a national online quiz,

a quiz specialised in english usage for undergraduates.

I think I did my best and I hoped I get prize from it.

May not be the top range,

just small reward may do.

A small consolation for me here in jungle.

Haha..

Today, my roommate asked me about bio-C price which I always offered her to intake.

I hope she would ask me for purchase as I knew how to get to Amway shop in KK already.

But no forcing, I hope I have the chance from her then maybe..

confidence is built here. :D

Today is a day with sunshine after the rain.

I will be strong, and I'll be fine :)

Add oil!!

Buena suerte!!

Love Saw Mey<3 p="p">

I got so damn tired

As usually, I am suffocated with tonnes of assignments and yet, I start to hate university life. 

Being a freshy in university is a hard deal. 

I never expect assignments do really make someone cry, not now anymore.

We will get to know with people with different thought and personalities.

They can be nice but not in the way you feel comfortable to be.

2hours ago I was still stuck in the lousy bus stop near to library.

I never had been that late in library before, and i never felt it cool.

I hated the UMS bus services! 

I got so disappointed today..

I had been waited for the buses for an hour and I had to watch it drove down the hill,

passed off me cruelly.

I told myself,

never stay late in library anymore.

I would never trust in UMS buses AGAIN!

Something cheered me up for today was my past spanish quiz.

I got 8.8 out of 10.

I even got all my subjective questions correct!

How impressive? xD

Now that was cool :D

Sometimes, I felt our gaps were getting further even we were closed to each other.

I could not hear the true voice from you, hardly.

You were used to keep secret from me and refused me from your heart.

I could listen to what you said and what you bull shit but seldom a real feelings from you.

Sometimes,

I felt sad for it.

We knew each other the longest period,

but, 

we were not the one who understood each other well.

Actually,

I feel to cry at the moment I launch my buttock to my chair.

No one is tapping on my shoulder,

telling me that i'll be fine. TT

I don't feel good this time,

all I want is to leave this bull shit place!

I am so stressed out with my undone assignments.

Discussion never ends and i can never relieve my breath.

I am busy and i start to let go. 

I'm tired.

Whatever happen, I don't want care already!

Well, 

I am going to join online contest soon. 

Just wish me good luck! >.<

Feel better express out here.

Blogging is my best stress remover~

Gambatae! Saw Mey <3 p="p">

nov wish

I had tried to find a guy to be admired in Sabah, but thhere was no one reached my expectation. I did not need a handsome guy, i was just searching a potential guy. but i couldn't see anyone with this ability. I don't want a guy that stay numb whenever he sees me need help but doesn't lend me his hand. I hope that we will have the common interest in something, maybe playing puzzles together. why you are so hard to find? I already very boring. I hope you appears soon to enlighten my life :) All the best!!

not in mood

im going to have my first mid term exam in ums today, but i give up. i don't even want to fight for it at the last minutte. i wish that i will never here. all my hardwork in my form 6 is only deserved rm90. i don't know why i got so upset. Especiay Mei Xue ignored me sometimes. Perhaps i am too moody today, i feel pur distance.

Return to the SIMPLE

Well, first of all, i am here to reannounce my status. 

I am single yet I survive! Haha :)

At least no one could agitate me by easily,

I can pretend to be calm and cool. Haha! xD

Secondly, do you realise that my blog's template becomes so kiddy??

Yes! I purposely make it to something simple but symbolises things usually in my mind.

Childhood. Yeah~

Even I don't have a wonderful one, I have my lovely memories staying beside my mom :D

Actually, I skipped a chance to apply jpa scholarship which i had a high probability to get it.

Everything just caused by my laziness and procrastination.

And now,

I deserved the punishment.

No one reprimanded me, yet i felt myself not aggressive to chase for what i worth. 

However, 

time had passed, 

no way return, so i just had to rebuild my mind and be grateful again.

Pace forward, not to cry over the same thing and never do the same mistake again!

SMILE=D  

Today I went out with my Titas group members to Emmanual Church,

it was all basically to do my assignment.

The church was well-equiped with modern electrical goods and musical instruments,

which i found it fresh for me,

because there was no Jesus the Christ statue or something i used to imagine for ancient church.

Haha..

Well, at least, I had learnt something, 

church meant people.

We sang a lot of christianity songs and shaked a lot of people's hand.

It did remind me of 'Multi-level Marketing' meetings in either Amway or Great Eastern. Haha.

At first, I was so reluctant to their passion and to follow what they did. 

ps: like lifting hands to reach the God and say the words "it is you Jesus" or "i love you Lord"

Perhaps i was used to buddhism and i believe in the taught of Buddha, I was not enough liberal yet. :(

Anyway, it was a nice try. 

They created a place which gather all the genius and passionate people.

The spirits were there with them always. :)

So back to the mission--

We interviewed one of the pastor and he answered to us with informative points.

I guess we really did a good job today. :)

We video cam during the session and we might look nervous and blank in the middle.

But we succeeded, well done for us already.

After that, we went to restaurant 527 near King Fisher there to lunch.

Not bad :D

Well, I hope i look cheerful for my friends over Sabah. I want to build up a new image for myself.

and i do always able to keep my emotion coaxed here :)

i have changed a lot and i am happier now even i get down by the assignments here :) haha..

But i only believe, my grandpa and grandma will bless for me far away from me.

and there is nothing should get me down :) i will love and enjoy what i have here.

Move forward, i will find my happiness there, throughout the journey.

Yeah~~

Saw Mey, a girl living in netherland :)

Finally i know how it feels

Last time, i used to be insecured. So i liked to text my ex and get stuck on him. Perhaps inmature was the reason i acted so. On the first 3months he went to KL, i was so afraid of losing him so i requested to stay connected through texting with him. I never viewed from his position. When we get to a new environment, everything got terrible . What was i minded that time were all why he did not put me as ultimately important? Now i was in a new environment, i knew the difficulty he faced before and i was not his best listener. No one could help him because he was alone. He pretende to be fine and escaped from all my curiosity towards him. Now i was here, sabah. A place that my family and close friends never reached here for me. I had to get my stuff ready and meals settled on my own. No transport and backup. Sometimes, i would feel helpless, because everyone was busy, seldom had time to entertain me :(. I did not havr boyfriend to care for what food i had for my lunch or dinner, who made ne angry or sad today. Luckily, my friends called me when she missed me and shared her situation with me. My family supported me and loved me like treasure.. I was lucky and i think boyfriend cpuld be not a part of my university life. I would survive! Yeah! less than 100days already xD Kah yao!!

Do you know

Do you know why I seldom close the texting conversation? Or why I prefer to ignore your messages? Because of a simple reason.. I dont wish to be ignored or waiting for a person to reply. I hate to wait because it hurts me a lot :( So i rather to be the cooler one :).

there is no wrong for being yourself

i have friends that are charming and attrast boys after them. I am one of not their same zone. I am a typical tradition girl who always stay on my own position. I don't fight for take initiative over a guy. I can ne said shy or inattractive. Anyway, i don't feel like to someone that not really me. i cant simply fb or sms a boy for fun. im jut not born to have that talent or interest. i love how im looked and how im being right npw. maybe it's hard for you to see that im shinning. i font care! even you say that i look like a vase, well, it is still me,special. i will not harden or totally change myself to others just to attract guys.. i want a boy that know that i can take care well of him and he loves me and willing to protect me and appreciate me till we die. i just need one. now, im searching for that guy, i hope you find me soon. :)

my starting in sabah

everytime when i looked at my friends' blogs, some ideas would just pass by my mind. i should attach more info and photos inside my blog. but then when i felt like to blog, i lost the mood to pick photos from my handphone. by that time i just told myself, 'hey, why not take it easy, it's just a space where i express all my feelings.' even now, i won't have the typical mood to change my layout or upload any photo. maybe, this is me. i do not need other to spot on my life through a website. just give me a call or sms me, i gurantee, i will reply you as soon as i can. not like last time :) now i love cht-chating. it makes my world filled with love and warmness :) and yea~ i was so surprised that i did my ptptn application before 15th of august. i just thought i missed the first batch. and now i was approved, i was just waiting for money to come~ hahahaha~ love it! although i was quite quiet in my room, my room mates were all so lovely. and for sure my room was a satu malaysia room. one chinese, sabahan, selangor malay and a murut chinese mix. the latter was so pretty but i found her loved to do things at the eleventh hour. i got my ptptn approved today while she was just applying==. and she was complaining to sleep. cool yea? my house was nicely decorated by the malays. you know, sometimes chinese are just too ego. we always thought that they were dirty and lazy, but now.. i felt shame on us. they had cleaned the toilet and shopped for sharing items themself. they shared with us and not asking for what. i was glad to be in this room. although it was hot andfull of mosquito. actually, i was admiring someone recently. he was not very handsome, not tall, not really great in academic but he was kind and nice. i was attracted to his personalities. though i knew his care was mainly because that his friends asked to, i like him :) he treated everyone of us so nice and heartful, i would never met someone like him. i knew, he would be a very nice guy.. a protective man :) so i just having secret admiration toward him. never let him to know. i just wan to make friend with him :) good luck ya! good boy.. hehe.. hope you wont know till the end of sabah days :)girls.. keep secret for me ha..:) haha.. take care everyone~ i'm amanda<3

any thing

today was free. we just had to choose our courses and register online. i finished it as fast as i could. i had registerd for spanish class. my ordinary plan iwas japanese, but i did not fit in the quota. quite sad for that. anyway, everything went smooth and i had a nice day. :) i chose lawan pedang for my kokum. i hoped that it wont disappoint me as i just could make a choice. :) beginning from now. i will try not to write out the sad part or incident happened on me.. emotionally :l) be happy n sweet :) actually, i like how u being right now. everything is simple and happy go lucky. it is nice to be ur friend :) i never realize that. i appreciate on all the helps u gave to us. finally, thanks tiara too :) i will try to become more hyperactive :) all the best to myself. i dont really think that i can find a bf here. maybe i was having skintone discrimination or technically speaking skil problem.. i preffer semenanjung guy. sometimes. i will envy those who is having boyf. at least, a call give 安全感。 when can i meet u? :) hope u appear soon..

short short report

i was having my biggest turning point of my 20yrs.. i had registered for university malaysia sabah, and now, i was a real mahasiswa already. first to talk abt the hostel.. hot n dirty.. i was lucky, because i had chose the most nice 2in1 study desk. i had hard days in sabah and i went through it day by day :) we had to compete for the bus ride, wash our own clothes and face the unexpectable incidents. i think i was bravo :) quite tired to write out al the things happened within these few days. wait i finish my orientation week first :) i started to acknowledge of a boy.. had a little crush on her :) i hope u wont mind, im just respecting and admire you :) btw, all the best to us.. all my friends and i., i love you!

我的恐惧

距离上大学的日子只剩下十四天了，心中难免有些矛盾，不知新生活会是什么样子。 我很难过，因为我即将离开，离开我的家，我的故乡，我的家人和朋友，还有我的回忆到陌生的地方开始我的人生。 我曾经的兴奋与期待已被恐惧淹没，心跳频率早不正常了。 我害怕收拾我的行李，我怕我要离开。 其实要离开槟城的人不止我而已，还有一些朋友即将到外国深造，好几年都得待在那儿。我，算什么？ 从小我没有离开过家人的庇护，我没有真正地独立过。 这会是我最大的考验，最好的成长锻炼，我只有撑过去。 今天，我终于加入安利团队了！ 我不敢确定我在这一行一定能闯出我的一片天，但至少我有这一个机会。 上天安排了这一条路给我，我相信，一定有它的原因。 我改变不了我的环境，我得改变我的心态。 挫折没什么打大不了的，只要我能接受，一定行得通的！ 素媚，别害怕，你是个被祝福的孩子，一定可以的！加油！

unexpected outing

i had ended my job in senyum mart on 31st july. so i asked my supervisor ah chye uncle and bee eng jie to have a meeting. we had high tea at chaistime and dinner at o2 leaf with wei leong. my unexpected outing was happened in the middle of getting lunch and dinner with them. i went out chatting with a friend together at jelutong busstop. he guided me to the bus stop and got in the 303 bus after some chat. i felt so familiar with this action. this was how i alwsys did with my friends when i was in form5. he paid for the bus ticket and we were heading to perangin. i felt safe :) and excited. we had window shopping and talking non stop. I found out that we had a lot of common interest. I like the atmosphere with him. I enjoyed walking beside him and stood in front of him when the bus were shaking. Maybe that he was tall and wide broader shoulder. He looked protective. It might be a short term illumination I got attracted by him for somehow... It had been so long that I did not get interested with a man. He was after him. I knew that I was just too lonely. And we were impossible to improve. Just wan u to know that you were a nice guy :) I don't know what u felt today, I was having a great happy day. I hope that u feel so. Thanks for walking beside me but not front of me. Accompanying me to shop and home. I felt chemically attracted. All the best and good luck to you. Thanks for ttreating like a good friend :) I will remember today :) even though u might just treat me like normal female friend.. Haha.. Have a nice day :)

never forget you

i left two days to go. tomorrow is my last day working at senyum mart. i am so desperateed to leave this job. as i hate to work so much. however., i had a wonderful day today. i worked with annie and wei leong happily and peacefully today :) i was asked about my first love and my current status.well, i miss you so much today. i know, its hard for me to find other to replace you. it's hard.. i had paid my heart and soul fully toward you. how am i going to fall for others? i had blocked other guy.. no matter how good the guy are, i will still compare him with you. i miss you a lot. i hope that i appear in your dream tonight. i dont care how much you love your girfriend.. i just miss u tonight. wei leong said: he miss out a nice girl like you. buti know.. i lost a guy i love with all my heart,and actually he is a nice guy. just he didnt love me much like i do.. pls.. let me found someone to get him out of my mind. i dont want to miss him anymore.. he will never realise my feelings.. so deep and so lonely without him. i know you will never forget me.. right? eventhough you love her, she'll never replace me.. right? she hass no shade of me.. she is just a girl that suit you more. i will take care myself, thanks for your blessing. i love you. wish you be in health and happiness.. :)

new plan

my bro had given me support and hope just in a sentence. i set 3ways to go when i'm in sabah. 1.chemical engineering 2.industrial chem 3.art courses. fight for a change! saw mey! it's my life :) my spirit is lighten. go! go! go!

被打碎的梦

i got my upu result and it is so disappointing. i have been entitled to ums's environmental sc. i am thinking how can i take a course that those ppl with cgpa 3.0 r qualified to study? i was so sad and disappointed.is that a punishment for me? i thought i deserve mire. i thought of going mahsa pharmacy with polly and yi ching, but my family could not afford the huge expenses nd fees that i needed. finally, i had to choose to go ums.. what i hope is.. i could change to take industrial chem. which my friend had taken. how sad i am now.. u wont understand the disappointment that i went through. my brother begs me to understand our current financial situation, and i get it and i give up my dreams. 我情愿我可以很任性，不顾他们 哭着求他们让我去追梦。但我已经不是小孩了，我有很多的顾虑，很多的害怕是我无法承受的。所以，我放弃了我的志愿。好几次我都想哭但我都忍了起来。哭已经不是我的性格了。坚强，独立才是我该有的改变。我没有可以依靠的海岸让我更清楚现实也是一种生活。我会利用我大学的时间好好享受快乐。管他有没有男生给我暗恋，我只想快乐，无忧。我妈说抱歉因为真的没有办法，她说我要什么她都会给，只是这个真的没办法。我不是一个有坚持毅力的人。我只会越来越坚强。谢谢伤害过我的人，因为你们，我才更有勇气走下去。告诉我自己，我不会比我爸妈更快归西。我是小草，逆来顺受，但绝对不会轻易折断。 你可以说我是个不敢梦的可悲人，但我不想让我的家人用苦恼来换取我的梦。我真的不敢有这一种梦。 其实，刚刚在工作哪儿有个uncle跟我搭讪。每次都找我聊，说很想保护我。我今天才知道他驾camry,满富有的。他想给我电话，跟我聊天。其实有那么一瞬间我想他当sugar daddy.但我当然拒绝了。我很保守的。幸好我没乱来。好了，发泄完了。我还有两个星期多就可以开始准备上沙巴大学了。加油吧!素媚 :)

waiting for upu result

tomorrow is the day. it is a day that provides me hopes and dreams. i have imagined a lot of probabilities that could happen tomorrow. do i get the course i need? do i getvinto a new environment? what dreams can i build along this road. should i go for my drem course? or i just accept what fate offers to me? there has been thousands of question marks in my mind? what will be the result.. all the best for those who facinf the same anxiety as i. good luck! (？o？)

open my mind

i was having bad mood today. it happened within my new collegues and i.i was too eagered to make them improve, and i got my critics. i felt so hurt that she compplained about my performance. it was too bad for me. i think i should calm down my anxiety and my aggresiveness while teaching new collegue as i was a young leader. i should teach them with patient and calmness. well, it was a ggod experience as i knew my own flaw.never expect others will always accept our way. try to open my heart, accept the comments and improve myself more. never give up!

hello, i'm here to update myself again. :) 其实我在我工作地方的人缘蛮不错的。 有的赞我的笑容甜，有想保护我的感觉。呵呵…… 今天早上有顾客还要请我吃饭。我当然婉拒了呀！我可保守得很呢！ 然后一位缅甸外劳叫我iylin.形容我漂亮，美好！ 虽然我知道是因为外劳思春，但是我的确是满愉悦的。 伟良只做到这一个星期，有一些难过与忧心。 咳……不知道我之后的两个星期怎么过？ 还有我很得意的是我在这里认识了一位很可爱的马来同胞。名叫ena。 我很喜欢她。 我一定要和她拍照留念\^O^/ 最近的我暴饮暴食，肥了不知多少::>_<:: 我还放了金柳、翊卿她们的飞机。 健身当天睡不醒，还没有交代。 应该很生气我吧。。 我真的很糟糕。做不到就不要随口答应。我迟早有报应。。 羞耻中。 我变得很懒惰也。。或许是少了热情，我变得很散漫。。懒人！反省吧！

第一天

After I went through this half year, I was becoming even more new than ever. I could speak in English confidently, present myself in front of strangers. I did really enjoy every moment I did things on my own. In my house, I was able to spent my money for daily uses. In my working place, boss talked to me like someone can be trusted. I spent things on my Own. During my off day, I could drive car to hang around, buy some junk food and shirt whenever I want. :) Everything was simply simPle :) This past six months had returned my confidence toward my appearance :) I'm singing songs with my bro :) I found a song that fit my situation :) 第一天我存在第一次呼吸畅快 ：）

my believings

在失去一段感情后，我曾经觉得我是一个很可悲的女生。我甚至一度让自己生病，希望严重地生一场大病。想让你自责。在我清醒后，我只想健康地、精彩地活着。在看见我最近认识的女性朋友身上的遭遇，我只能说我是幸运的。我曾经埋怨我的外貌、我的际遇但我不曾惊觉我的幸福。我身边有着正气的朋友和家人，烟赌酒不上瘾。爱家、孝顺、不做伤天害理的事，我应更感恩。 社会上不幸的人哪里可能出入平安，总有人关怀？ 我是个体肤完好的漂亮女生。我应该自豪、更应该感恩我拥有的福气。 就算我不完美，但是我有智慧，我有思考、判断的能力，我不曾被上天放弃。 我可以更坚强更有善心去影响那些放弃生命的人。 让他们或她们知道人生最大的福气就是有智慧地去生活。依靠自己的信念改变自己与社会的腐败。成为一个有大爱的智慧家。我的生命应该为这而燃烧。我应该多思考，多反省，多实行。 其实大爱说的多，做的却少之又少。 我有种族歧视，会偏心，会骂人罪有应得。 好希望有一天，我能够多感受大爱。理解佛道。脱离尘世间的烦恼，看透生命不过是一场梦。不再被束缚于拥有和失去的痛苦中。 现在的我语无伦次，我只想看透佛的智慧，了解并实行。 不知道我是否有缘于此。愿有一天我能被贵人指引。原因……我信念不够坚持。愿你加持于我。感恩！ saddhu saddhu saddhu.

obsessed with my phone apps

recently i had downloaded a lot of apps and songs with lyrics. i was singing all the time when i was home :) touching my phone, singing following the lyrics. syok! though my phone was not expensive, it was enough to amuse my day :) playing my jewel quest, online.. reading novel.. fun to be myself. maybe i was born to be enjoy alone. comfortable facing happiness and sadness on my own. never have to live under someone's emotion.it was nice :) never blame other for ruining your life, because you are the one mastering your thought. be happy ;)

an unplanned offday

well! time flies, it was my off day again. i woke up on 1.30pm yesterday afternoon. yeah, i was a sleepy piggy.. hahaha :) for me, sleeping was the greatest happiness in a day. so i gotta sleep as much as i could. after i got my brunch and bath, i decided to go out for shopping alone :) at that time, i phoned zhi mei to tell her that i was going for the europen vs heng ee basketball match. well, i was invited by zhi mei to go gurney with her sis. i had agreed because i had been a long time never went to gurney. haha.. now was my chance. it was raining cat and dog, i was holding an umbrella, trying to defence myself from the painful raindrop. it was a hard battle when i finally reached my car and fit myself into my car. wao! my dress was wet and my legs was covered by chilling rain droplets. i had used half an hour to get myself at gurney, i would never ever get myself dring in rain again. lol.. we just wandered around and had nando's at there. i was desperating for sushi :( after i got home at around 7pm, i went to meet up yi ching at old town there. surprisely, i met khai hung there too. i was only got informed that the match was cancelled and kh n mx were going to have sushi. for sure, i was not going to loose the chance though i was being big light bulb. hahaha.. just for my beloved bonanza 2! we went to sushi king at perangin. although we had waited for almost half and more hour, we had our precious dinner! this was the first time i ate 8plates of sushi! wakakaka! my mood get so well everytime i get to eat my sushi :) i love sushi king! sushi sushi wasabi ;p

Randomly random

Today I met a group of Leo's club members at mcd. I saw Chun Yee at first, but just greet each other with hi. It was quite awkward for me to meet them there because I was going alone. I did feel like they looked at me with kind of view. I just not feeling comfortable.. After I had finished my meal, Jing Wei approached to me. Well, he was being kindly and smiley. We had a nice chat time. At the beginning, I was so afraid that he'll talk Abt him, luckily it was just my thought. Honestly, fears came to me a lot whenever I knew there was a chance that something Abt him came near to me again. I wished that he'll disappear from my life completely. I was strong enough to handle my life alone. However, I failed tonight. I went to stalk his new partner's profile. You might wonder how I knw Abt his partner.. Well, I had a strong sixth sense. She was cute, sunshine and sportive. Honestly, they were so match to each other by looking at their personalities. Strong faith to the god, clever, good temper and sunshine. After I got a look on her profile, my soul had became so out strangely calm. Well, thanks god, it's her. :) I like how she looked. At the end, I was waiting for them to announce their relationship. Bless for both of you :) A big improvement in me, and I deserved a big clap. Finally, I had let it go. I bless her with my deep heart :) Haha!! Just now I was so angry with my brother, because he shouted on me. So bad that I transferred my anger on my mom. So sorry to her.. I hoped she'll forgive me TT After that, my bro apologized to me by text MSG.. Family is always the greatest lover and support. :) Today I went out with Kim Liu, jogging at Bukit Dumbar. She was a good friend, I hoped that she'll find her way to success. After jogging and dinning, I went out with tiara and yi Ching. At lk western food. Listening to what they talk, I knew I had lost connection with tiara for a long time. Haha.. Sorry to yi Ching and tiara :p You ppl so nice, no wonder luck always happened on my friends :) Haha.. Because u all treat me this no Xim Gua eh Chabo so nice.. Haha.. Good luck in July ya friends :)

不空白

我开始后悔为什么我以前写个人资料的事时候没有好好地写。 我好想被人了解，管他是哪一位。 今天我过得很开心，因为有人陪我聊天:D 原来认识和不认识一个人的感觉可以差那么远。 终于，我交了一位新朋友 *^_^* 我留恋这一份工作，有三个原因： 一、有机会认识来自不一样地方的朋友，甚至有年纪的差距。 二、我找到了我的自信，我很漂亮#^_^# 三、我学会了怎样冷静地面对陌生人 这半年我进步最多的就是沟通。 使用不同的语言与不一样的人群谈话，甚至不胆怯。 我可以制造话题，控制气氛。就是这样！ 我没有浪费我这个半年时间。 我感恩^_^

bad news

this was the first time i was so close with a malay friend. she had problem with her marriage and i was the only friend she thought to share. sometimes, i was empatied with her situation. a horrible husband who scolded her like dog on the road. she loves him and was willing to be the sec wife. she gave birth to a baby but everything was not appreciated. i saw her crying to works a few times before. how could a man did the same cruel things to two women? maybe, they were going to divorce soon as today hher husbsnd had said it out. that is why i don't believe in man's love and promises(exclude my dad) it was hard to find a man who loves u with his whole lifetime. if like that, i better never get married and fell in this situation. sucks life.. anyway, i hope that she could stay strong for her daughter.. all the best to her..

心中的真象

最近看了一部爱情剧。片名→泡沫之夏. 其实我有好长好长的一段时间没有看过这一类的戏了。 就因为我不相信爱情。 但这一部...我好喜欢欧辰。 这个男的好让我发酥... 电影必竟足虚幻... 我很想再爱上一个人。但我总是找不到... 再谈朋友,我有一个像亲人般的朋友. 她总在我需要的时候出现。 然后支持我的决定◇ 她对我的帮助不曾要求回报. 甚至还说下辈子要当我的情人。 虽然我向来都很冷漠... 但你的温暖,我忘不了.. 我们有着共同的秘密、问题和理想。 我这辈子最想珍惜的朋友就是你。 祝福你 *^_^* there is something i wanna talk abt. to someone i still love. it had been two months we did not contact each other. and for sure it was what i requested, u were being a good obeyer.. actually, i had regret for doing that cruel stuff towards myself. anyway, it was already a fact that i jealous n i tried to revenge in the way i always did. i was so sure that we would be strangers forever.. no matter how much i was eagered for u.. i had lost u.. i accept it.. sorry for the pain i brought to u.. i will bless for u.. for u.. a special person that ever appeared in my life. 爱一个人就要祝福他，就算，他爱的并不是你 我虽矛盾，我可以一时祝福一时诅咒，但我无法永远生气一个我爱的人。 我会把你收在我心中的神秘角落，孤单时怀念你，偷偷地继续喜欢你。 曾经，我嘲笑朋友的痴情，可以等待一个即遥远又不爱自己的人。 或许你教会我，爱是无法制止的。 我可以爱你很深很深，根本无可救药。 我的爱或许对你很廉价，因为我对你的付出和包容只有那么少。 但我的爱也可以很高尚，因为爱你，我给你自由，因为爱你，我可以放弃对你的纠缠。 在没有你的这一段时间，我不时梦见你，给我拥抱。 我不肯醒来，，因为我知道你现在想拥抱的人不会再是我。 我接受这个事实，但还是挥不去对你的感觉。 现在的我不会再为你哭了，因为我不再有那一个资格。 我可以承认我爱你，我可以很坦然说爱。 不知是哪儿冒出的勇气，我不会再为自己的面子而否认。 这样很好。可以爱你又不会伤害你*^____^* 我哥回来槟城工作了。 我希望他做回保险，因为我对他有信心。 我也能够介绍朋友给他。愿他能安定下来，不用爸妈再操心。 下次接吧@_@

kind of blue

every man is selfish. perhaps, i had overestimated your qualities, you are a cheap guy. you never think for me, you are selfish and cheap. i hate you! well,hope that you this cheap guy wont hurt the girl who loves you right now. cheap jing! i will never wish to see you again. you give me die far far de.. haha! my work are smooth right now n i hope it will be like that till i go for studies :) i will miss chun yik n shi ying after they left the job.. lonely :( shi min.. i miss u so much.. i wish to have pillow talk with you :)p

finally

finally, you got your new partner.
well, it was quite disappointed when i first knew it. however, i was happy that you found your love.
i was so sure that she was a nice lady so that you will fall for her :)
and you two will get well together perfectly even though i did not know how she were or how she look.
but sure, she was a gorgeous lady.

i will never try to find out who was she, i'm fine when know you are in happiness.
all the best to you :)
and of course for saw mey too ~:)

untitled

there was a young girl worked together with me.
she asked me a random question.
"did you ever fall for someone?"
as in your thought, the girl had not date with any boy YET..
it reminded me a lot of things.
then she continued,
"why did you break up with him?"
it was a difficult question for me because i could not explain it.
"maybe he did not love me the way i thought couple should be," i answered.
haha.. perhaps, the answer wasn't look right, she did not understand.
anyway, the topic was ended like that.

there was a night, my friend phoned me and told me about relationship problem whch she was facing.
it was so typically dramatic story.
why life became so miserable since we left school?
every simple thing wasn't simple anymore.
adult life is not interesting at all.

if.. i ever get in a relationship again,
i will never ever let him go like i did.
because it is hard to find a man who i will fall terribly again..

stray out of love topic, i would like to talk about my academics.
i had applied hong leong scholarship, the only scholarship i had applied.
i hope that i will get the offer :)

love saw mey

untitle

sometimes i just feel that i have been isolated from friends.
i just get nothing related with some of the outings.
anyway, i must carry out my life too, right? :)

btw, i felt so sorry to kim liu that i had put her plane on the plan of breakfast together.
i'm sorry, i know you are seriously angry with my action. really sorry. sorry for decline at last minute...

i now work at senyum mart, as a cashier.
my supervisor thought that i was a vietnamese so he did not dare to talk with me at the beginning. :)
one of the customers thought that i was came from china, so he just kept smiling with me.
then when he knew that i was actually a malaysian, he said he liked me because ' kamu senyum kuat' :) haha..
since i worked there, many kids called me aunty, i was quite hurt leh TT..
then an aunty came and called me 'ah yi' too.
sad leh..
so i must do save my outlook!!!

today i off, i went to look for other jobs again with tiara.
we had interviewed 2 daycare teacher jobs.
yup..
i know if my friends knew this, they would sure criticise about my attitude towards working.
no matter how others comment about me, i just have to do anything i think i should and i'm happy with the decision. right?
actually, i did hope that one of them would give me a call. perhaps?
then we departed to perangin mall.
as today was wednesday, i watched 'mirror mirror' alone at 1st avenue for only rm7 :)!
i liked the movie so much!
snow white was pretty and the dialogue was funny :)
the step mother was also pretty and cute!
the dwarfs made me laughed a lot. hahahaha..
i spent my off day happily :)

all the best,
SawMey letitia

Day care life

time to talk about my daycare job.

her name is yvone. i like her the most. so bad that she did not smile while i was trying to capture her photo. she was cute and she was the first child that hug me :)

his name is lim len. he is a half japanese :)

he is cute and chubby. he is just three years old and he knows how to write daddy and mommy in chinese. he has a big head which is same as i. haha :)

i kinda like his cousin too. unfortunately that i cant take his cousin's photo.

i only remember his name and his face. lim yi qi. i call him qiqi XD

the first girl is lim ming yao, who is already standard1. she is so naughty that i almost smack her every day since i work. although this is how i act but they still nice to me la :)

the other girl is my most lovely girl in my class. her name is sim ming xuan. she has a pair of long eyelash, i cant stop staring at her. i'm so desperate to hug her :) yeah~ i'm so bian tai.. haha..

however ming xuan is quite naughty too when she is with ming yao.. they are best friends who from different school.

this was how they acted when i asked them to take photos.

see? ming xuan is so cute!

they also have one friend who is same age with them named zeo.

he is very obedient and also a fast-learner. what a cute and handsome guy.

i wanted to take his photo too, but i think it would be quite awkward for me to do that :(

after telling the fun part, now is the horror part TT

i love morning session because the children are younger and easier to handle.

when the afternoon session come, my head just being went off.

it is like killing my mentality slowly.

the first disaster is desmond neoh who likes to cheat and does not concentrate well at all.

next is the 2 little flowers, the nieces of my headmistress. they are ooi shanyan and ooi shanyin.

shanyin causes me a lot of frustration because she is lazy and likes to be rebellion. her languages are very weak and she is a monitor, i wonder how her teacher 'discover' her quality in leadership. she only knows how to copies answer and acts like very 'gaogao'. shanyan is the elder but she is easily to attempt anger. sometimes, she just got in temper when i ask her to go bath. she should learn to act upon her age. however, she is quite okay to self-discipline. at least she will finish her homeworks on her own.

next is the 3 'musketeers' who are named ooi zhi sheng, ooi zhi jie and ooi zi siang(the latter 2 is twin).they always cannot finish their work on time and zi siang is the one who bring the most trouble for me.no matter how i cane him or scolded him, he just won't move. he likes to be rebellious toward me.

anthony is the brother of yvone who i love the most. he is a trouble kid too. he poured his friends shampoos just because he wanted to. luckily he would not be here anymore when april is approached.

the other children are jordon, florence, wei liang, hui yin and sim zhen teng(bro of ming xuan, he is a good boy too)

i wish to resign again because i am working 11hours per weekday and have to work on saturday too. my salary is just rm900. other than that, i 'm going to travel to sunway lagoon on this coming thursday. i want to resign and apply for ns!

i hate to work. i know i'm not try hard while working, i'm so lazy, probably i just not suit to the life i have now.

i'm trying to make myself comfortable, don't care about how other tease about me.

Saw Mey, be couraged and tough, fight for yourself! must resign! try to talk with jess. i'm working but not buying money with life.

gambatae :)

Random

I had replaced my first choice from pharmacy to dentistry.
There was no specific reason why i changed it, i just willed it to be like that.
Besides that i had 'halfly' applied radiography in mahsa.
Every decision i made was quite surprisingly.
i hoped that i would the best choice for me :)

Yesterday i went to work as promoter suddenly after ping wei phoned me.
i went to Gama and represented F&N Fruit Tree to sell their drinks.
i started my work at 4.30pm and ping wei promised to pay me tonight which was RM80.
No people was there to help me.
i had to find my own booth and bought ices from coffee shop.
well, nice experience.
i had sold out 20bottles of the drinks, i was satisfied :)
actually, i had promised the supervisor that i would work for today too.
unfortunately, i had fallen into sick. i had sore throat and sneezing.
then i called zhi mei, she phoned me back using house line.
she advised me not to take the job anymore because the ping wei still owed them money.
i got worried and told ping wei that i was not able to work.
i had asked him to pay for me.
then he had ignored my request until now..
i was quite worried.
Anyway, if he wanted to owe me my money, he was going to repay me back in double in my next life :)
besides that i also had owed mei xue and khai hung. because i could not find people to capture photos for me, so i asked them to take for me.
manatau..
the Gama's storeroom had to close at 9.30pm
i had to pack up my things earlier and they were not able to capture photos for me.
they had rushed from their friend's birthday bbq then nothing were done.
i felt so sorry because the bbq was at tanjong tokong.
no one could help me, 'helpless' explained my feelings.
i swore i would never ever accept promoter job again.
salary payment was not assured and i had to be very very independent and observant enough to find out the problems and resolve them in short time.
i hope that he would pay for my work.
because i did work hard for it.

today i went to pisa education fair with Tiara and her mom.
her mom was a nice person and also a very 'mother type' person.
i had a nice day with them.
she even treated me lunch, and having jokes with me.
haha..

recently i thought of having a christian name (though i'm not a christian)
and i found this one: Yiliss..
it doesn't spell like christian name, so i like it :)
well, the reason is weird, i admit it! XD
if i had to use nickname during work or study in future, i think i'll use it..
just think la.. haha :)

All the best ya :)
Saw Mey

i will be-leona lewis

There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me
All the pain, the tears I cried
Still you never said goodbye and now I know
How far you'd go

I know I let you down but it's not like that now
This time I'll never let you go

I will be all that you want and get myself together
'Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make everything okay

I thought that I had everything
I didn't know what life could bring
But now I see, honestly
You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe 'cause you're here with me

And if I let you down, I'll turn it all around
'Cause I would never let you go

I will be all that you want and get myself together
'Cause you keep me from falling apart
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/l/leona-lewis-lyrics/i-will-be-lyrics.html ]
And all my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make everything okay

Without you I can't breathe
I'm not gonna ever, ever let you leave
You're all I got, you're all I want, oh
'Cause without you I don't know what I'd do
I can never, ever live a day without you
Here with me, do you see you're all I need?

And I will be, all that you want and get myself together
'Cause you keep me from falling apart
And all my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make everything okay

I will be all that you want and get myself together
'Cause you keep me from falling apart
And all my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make everything okay

Change my mind

I know I can't apply for Ukm pharmacy already.

I don't want to waste my other chances, so I need to do more research.

Kah Yao :)

get to see this :)

STAGE 4 (1 year or more): The Long Road
1, 2, 3, 4, 5 years, huh? This person truly means something to you. You are “in love” with this person. He/she made a difference in your life. No one else knows you more than this person. You guys have been through the good, the bad, and the ugly, and still strive to make it last.

*If your relationship ends in this stage — You feel heartbroken; it’s tough. You can’t sleep, can’t eat, you miss him/her, you try to move on, you try meeting new people, but seems like nothing works. For whatever reason the split occured, it must’ve been something important, or something must have been so wrong that it took over. Being “just friends” is impossible, because if you tried to be friends, you wouldn’t be able to think of them in any other way besides the one you once “loved.”

p/s: keep telling myself, it is just a phase i have to face and go through. keep releasing, i will be better. there is no point to act strong in front of myself =] be happy is the utmost important.

Saw Mey <3

I don't know why I spoil my own plan

I don't know what to do to get out from the grey zone.

I feel myself drowning, no one is around to pick me up.

I know I should not become a burden to anyone.

I have caused a lot of trouble for you since we together.

I have to pay for what I have done.

I will never ever chase after a guy anymore.

Never ever even I have to be alone till I die.

I don't know how to love a person, I don't know how to protect myself if he leaves me.

I don't have the idea how to feel happiness without him.

Why am I so stupid?

He has mentioned clearly that we just friend, either best or normal but never cross the line.

So what am I demanding things from him?

Why don't I control my mind?

Why don't I hate him and destroy him?

Why am I sad for something isn't worth?

Why?

Why I always blame on him but never success to transform myself?

Why?

I'm not stupid, but I act stupidly.

Stupid for asking stupid question.

I shouldn't let him to know what I feel, I should have my own pride.

I'm a girl that begging for love, a girl who is too discrete to be loved.

I know I'm not deserved love from him anymore.

I can't let go of you because I'm jailed in my memory with you.

Do I need years so that i will not to love you anymore?

I'm so damn Beh nyong..

I have found that I'm very selfish because every sentence contain 'I'..

That's why I could not hold my live stay long.

How to be optimistic?

I don't know, let the god be the master of my fate.

I got tired with life..

If you see this, do it

Block me from viewing ur posts after u get ur next girlfriend.

I'm lame but i'm trying to be nice to myself.

I'm afraid it'll hurts me.

低落

我有好长一段时间没有用华文字书写了，生疏了许多。

其实，我现在的情绪不太平稳，因为，我被影响了。

我看见了一些让我无法释怀的面子书评语。

原来我还是那么无可救药，那么卑微。

原来，你和_...

心情很复杂，知道怎么安慰自己却无法接受。

朋友，太沉重了。

我愿意沉默。

只愿没人看见我的弱。

我不可再怨，

因为下辈子，我不愿再让你伤。

放下我的不甘。

上天有好生之德。。

让我与你的怨气就此了结。

我不冤了。。

stpm 2011

i received my result already today.
i get 2As, 1A- and 1B+.
cgpa: 3.75
it was a good result, for me too.
i hope that i can get a place in ukm for pharmacy course.
i will carry on my promises, milk god. :)
i get 3As, i should be very excited.

Kod Mata Pelajaran	Nama Mata Pelajaran	Gred Mata Pelajaran
900	Pengajian Am	A
954	Mathematics T	A
962	Chemistry	A-
964	Biology	B+

cheers, Saw Mey <3

nice day

Today i followed my brother to genting highland.
he went with the purpose of working, so i played on my own.
i bought a ticket of outdoor park, because i would back earlier, never thought of playing too much station.
(so regret that i forgot to capture the photo of my wristband)

i'm waiting for the main door to open. this is the first time i keep photographing.

the first game that i played was antique car.
i liked the trip although it didn't differ with the time i sat few years ago.
because.. i enjoyed it :)

the angle of my photo capturing is not that good :(

the second game was pirate ship that i liked to play whenever the outdoor station was available.
at that time, there were only 11ppl playing the game. only 3 girls.
i was the only person that shouted loudly during the activity.
i felt so happy though ppl around felt curious about me.. hehe
my legs were trembling terribly.. luckily, i was able to stand still after the ride!


Next,i went to play 'go kart' but they didn't allow me to drive because i was carrying a big laptop bag. i had willed so much to play it!
at the end, i had to leave. no luck:(

then i went to play the jumbo.
it shaked too dramastically that i was not dare to let go of the switch after i turned it on.
i enjoyed to be high above the others:)
it let me felt like taking care of the rest that weaker than i.


next station was dinasourland boating.
i sat a little boat with most people from other countries.
i didn't take photo there because i didn't feel like taking out my phone inside the dark.

then i went to play the monorail.
honestly, i didn't know why..
last time, when i was in graduation trip, i hated this kind of game, because i felt it boring.
but i liked the feels now.
the refreshing air was around, every pieces of the view were captured in my eyes.
i didn't know how to express the feelings.
this was the first time i carried my life alone without having the typical loneliness.
at there, i met a couple which came from dubai.
we chatted for a while, and i felt improvement.
eventhough i didn't promoted well our country to them, but at least we had a comfortable conversation,

then i went to play the spinning swing. not much thing to elaborate here so i skipped it..XD

my lunch was marry brown.. ta dang!!

it had been years that i never ate this!

after lunch, i went to play indoor games.. what a courage.. because i only bought for outdoors.
i played bumper car, euro express 2 times, the deers and motion master.
haha.. the first time i did things illegally by my own. hahaha!!


i'm high above the people sitting santa deer(forgotten what ppl named the deers)
i have captured the ship that i always ride when i go genting. it doesn't operate anymore. quite sad, because it had my memories.

after that, i felt guilty for doing so, then i decided to back to outdoor AGAIN.
i played bumper boat twice and i went to play the haunted house at outdoor.
i knew it did not scary at all(the haunted house), but i just got shivered all over my body after i went in the house with the little truck.
i could not withstand the fears that appeared in my mind, so i closed my ears left my eyes to watch.
i told myself that i must! at least overcome it!
a bit disapointed la..
after boating with my bumper boat, i felt that i was phobia when i was in the middle of pool of water. i did not know why, luckily, i still can handle it nicely. :)


at night, my brother;s collegue treated us shabu shabu.. i had a nice dinner with them :)

i hoped that i could get good result tomorrow.
god bless me :)

SawMey <3

Tomorrow

Just now we went to ah yat restaurant to eat abalone..

Then I knew that an abalone can cost up to rm11,000.

What a huge number..

Tomorrow I'm going to genting highland.

Perhaps I chose the best time to come kl,

Because it faded some of my fears toward my Stpm result.

I will enjoy myself tomorrow :)

I'm going to play alone tomorrow,

I hope that I can get to know some people :)

But I hope they'll talk to me first la..

Haha :)

So weird am I..

Enjoy ya~

Saw Mey<3

what about today

today morning my brother asked me to buy breakfast.
as if you still remember..
i was at shah alam right now..
this was the first time i drove my brother's car at here.
haha..
i felt nervous but i did it!
without anyone's accompany.
my brother was surprised because i drove and i parked his car perfectly after the breakfast delivery.
haha :)
for lunch, my aunt had cooked soup for me.
what i had to do was just to cook noodles with the soup.
by the way,i had spent my whole afternoon listened to songs.
"falling for you"

i'm lam-nua-ing in the room..

especially taylor's swift songs..
like "a place in this world"
"teardrops on my guitar", "innocent" and "white horse"..
and of course "the one that gone away" by katy too
i had " the best day" today :)
it was great to spend time alone staying in an aircond room doing what i loved.(of course not always)
haha..

later gonna celebrate my uncle's birthday :)
gonna meet up with my sis again.. cheers! XD~


the background is a bit messy cause i just vacuum the floor and haven't clean them in place they should be XD
bye bye~

Saw Mey<3

the one that got away

this song nice :)