never forget you

i left two days to go. tomorrow is my last day working at senyum mart. i am so desperateed to leave this job. as i hate to work so much. however., i had a wonderful day today. i worked with annie and wei leong happily and peacefully today :) i was asked about my first love and my current status.well, i miss you so much today. i know, its hard for me to find other to replace you. it's hard.. i had paid my heart and soul fully toward you. how am i going to fall for others? i had blocked other guy.. no matter how good the guy are, i will still compare him with you. i miss you a lot. i hope that i appear in your dream tonight. i dont care how much you love your girfriend.. i just miss u tonight. wei leong said: he miss out a nice girl like you. buti know.. i lost a guy i love with all my heart,and actually he is a nice guy. just he didnt love me much like i do.. pls.. let me found someone to get him out of my mind. i dont want to miss him anymore.. he will never realise my feelings.. so deep and so lonely without him. i know you will never forget me.. right? eventhough you love her, she'll never replace me.. right? she hass no shade of me.. she is just a girl that suit you more. i will take care myself, thanks for your blessing. i love you. wish you be in health and happiness.. :)

new plan

my bro had given me support and hope just in a sentence. i set 3ways to go when i'm in sabah. 1.chemical engineering 2.industrial chem 3.art courses. fight for a change! saw mey! it's my life :) my spirit is lighten. go! go! go!

被打碎的梦

i got my upu result and it is so disappointing. i have been entitled to ums's environmental sc. i am thinking how can i take a course that those ppl with cgpa 3.0 r qualified to study? i was so sad and disappointed.is that a punishment for me? i thought i deserve mire. i thought of going mahsa pharmacy with polly and yi ching, but my family could not afford the huge expenses nd fees that i needed. finally, i had to choose to go ums.. what i hope is.. i could change to take industrial chem. which my friend had taken. how sad i am now.. u wont understand the disappointment that i went through. my brother begs me to understand our current financial situation, and i get it and i give up my dreams. 我情愿我可以很任性，不顾他们 哭着求他们让我去追梦。但我已经不是小孩了，我有很多的顾虑，很多的害怕是我无法承受的。所以，我放弃了我的志愿。好几次我都想哭但我都忍了起来。哭已经不是我的性格了。坚强，独立才是我该有的改变。我没有可以依靠的海岸让我更清楚现实也是一种生活。我会利用我大学的时间好好享受快乐。管他有没有男生给我暗恋，我只想快乐，无忧。我妈说抱歉因为真的没有办法，她说我要什么她都会给，只是这个真的没办法。我不是一个有坚持毅力的人。我只会越来越坚强。谢谢伤害过我的人，因为你们，我才更有勇气走下去。告诉我自己，我不会比我爸妈更快归西。我是小草，逆来顺受，但绝对不会轻易折断。 你可以说我是个不敢梦的可悲人，但我不想让我的家人用苦恼来换取我的梦。我真的不敢有这一种梦。 其实，刚刚在工作哪儿有个uncle跟我搭讪。每次都找我聊，说很想保护我。我今天才知道他驾camry,满富有的。他想给我电话，跟我聊天。其实有那么一瞬间我想他当sugar daddy.但我当然拒绝了。我很保守的。幸好我没乱来。好了，发泄完了。我还有两个星期多就可以开始准备上沙巴大学了。加油吧!素媚 :)

waiting for upu result

tomorrow is the day. it is a day that provides me hopes and dreams. i have imagined a lot of probabilities that could happen tomorrow. do i get the course i need? do i getvinto a new environment? what dreams can i build along this road. should i go for my drem course? or i just accept what fate offers to me? there has been thousands of question marks in my mind? what will be the result.. all the best for those who facinf the same anxiety as i. good luck! (？o？)

open my mind

i was having bad mood today. it happened within my new collegues and i.i was too eagered to make them improve, and i got my critics. i felt so hurt that she compplained about my performance. it was too bad for me. i think i should calm down my anxiety and my aggresiveness while teaching new collegue as i was a young leader. i should teach them with patient and calmness. well, it was a ggod experience as i knew my own flaw.never expect others will always accept our way. try to open my heart, accept the comments and improve myself more. never give up!

hello, i'm here to update myself again. :) 其实我在我工作地方的人缘蛮不错的。 有的赞我的笑容甜，有想保护我的感觉。呵呵…… 今天早上有顾客还要请我吃饭。我当然婉拒了呀！我可保守得很呢！ 然后一位缅甸外劳叫我iylin.形容我漂亮，美好！ 虽然我知道是因为外劳思春，但是我的确是满愉悦的。 伟良只做到这一个星期，有一些难过与忧心。 咳……不知道我之后的两个星期怎么过？ 还有我很得意的是我在这里认识了一位很可爱的马来同胞。名叫ena。 我很喜欢她。 我一定要和她拍照留念\^O^/ 最近的我暴饮暴食，肥了不知多少::>_<:: 我还放了金柳、翊卿她们的飞机。 健身当天睡不醒，还没有交代。 应该很生气我吧。。 我真的很糟糕。做不到就不要随口答应。我迟早有报应。。 羞耻中。 我变得很懒惰也。。或许是少了热情，我变得很散漫。。懒人！反省吧！

第一天

After I went through this half year, I was becoming even more new than ever. I could speak in English confidently, present myself in front of strangers. I did really enjoy every moment I did things on my own. In my house, I was able to spent my money for daily uses. In my working place, boss talked to me like someone can be trusted. I spent things on my Own. During my off day, I could drive car to hang around, buy some junk food and shirt whenever I want. :) Everything was simply simPle :) This past six months had returned my confidence toward my appearance :) I'm singing songs with my bro :) I found a song that fit my situation :) 第一天我存在第一次呼吸畅快 ：）

my believings

在失去一段感情后，我曾经觉得我是一个很可悲的女生。我甚至一度让自己生病，希望严重地生一场大病。想让你自责。在我清醒后，我只想健康地、精彩地活着。在看见我最近认识的女性朋友身上的遭遇，我只能说我是幸运的。我曾经埋怨我的外貌、我的际遇但我不曾惊觉我的幸福。我身边有着正气的朋友和家人，烟赌酒不上瘾。爱家、孝顺、不做伤天害理的事，我应更感恩。 社会上不幸的人哪里可能出入平安，总有人关怀？ 我是个体肤完好的漂亮女生。我应该自豪、更应该感恩我拥有的福气。 就算我不完美，但是我有智慧，我有思考、判断的能力，我不曾被上天放弃。 我可以更坚强更有善心去影响那些放弃生命的人。 让他们或她们知道人生最大的福气就是有智慧地去生活。依靠自己的信念改变自己与社会的腐败。成为一个有大爱的智慧家。我的生命应该为这而燃烧。我应该多思考，多反省，多实行。 其实大爱说的多，做的却少之又少。 我有种族歧视，会偏心，会骂人罪有应得。 好希望有一天，我能够多感受大爱。理解佛道。脱离尘世间的烦恼，看透生命不过是一场梦。不再被束缚于拥有和失去的痛苦中。 现在的我语无伦次，我只想看透佛的智慧，了解并实行。 不知道我是否有缘于此。愿有一天我能被贵人指引。原因……我信念不够坚持。愿你加持于我。感恩！ saddhu saddhu saddhu.

obsessed with my phone apps

recently i had downloaded a lot of apps and songs with lyrics. i was singing all the time when i was home :) touching my phone, singing following the lyrics. syok! though my phone was not expensive, it was enough to amuse my day :) playing my jewel quest, online.. reading novel.. fun to be myself. maybe i was born to be enjoy alone. comfortable facing happiness and sadness on my own. never have to live under someone's emotion.it was nice :) never blame other for ruining your life, because you are the one mastering your thought. be happy ;)

an unplanned offday

well! time flies, it was my off day again. i woke up on 1.30pm yesterday afternoon. yeah, i was a sleepy piggy.. hahaha :) for me, sleeping was the greatest happiness in a day. so i gotta sleep as much as i could. after i got my brunch and bath, i decided to go out for shopping alone :) at that time, i phoned zhi mei to tell her that i was going for the europen vs heng ee basketball match. well, i was invited by zhi mei to go gurney with her sis. i had agreed because i had been a long time never went to gurney. haha.. now was my chance. it was raining cat and dog, i was holding an umbrella, trying to defence myself from the painful raindrop. it was a hard battle when i finally reached my car and fit myself into my car. wao! my dress was wet and my legs was covered by chilling rain droplets. i had used half an hour to get myself at gurney, i would never ever get myself dring in rain again. lol.. we just wandered around and had nando's at there. i was desperating for sushi :( after i got home at around 7pm, i went to meet up yi ching at old town there. surprisely, i met khai hung there too. i was only got informed that the match was cancelled and kh n mx were going to have sushi. for sure, i was not going to loose the chance though i was being big light bulb. hahaha.. just for my beloved bonanza 2! we went to sushi king at perangin. although we had waited for almost half and more hour, we had our precious dinner! this was the first time i ate 8plates of sushi! wakakaka! my mood get so well everytime i get to eat my sushi :) i love sushi king! sushi sushi wasabi ;p