v tired today...

my mum went in hospital tis morning again....
she had went in hospital de day b4 de sch reopened last time(4th jan) 4 2days...
she felt on de floor when baking some new yr kuih...
i felt nothing tat day...not even worry
i think i'm cruel...
coz i scolded my mum tat day 4 not taking pa's advice...
actually i quite dislike my mum's character tat not hearing others advice...
n oso v stubborn...
she oways bergaduh wif my dad...
i'm biasa wif it d...
so i din even c them although they gaduh in front of me...
i can pretend nothing...
n i hate of me like tat...but i still like tat...
maybe it is inherited from my mum...
i oso stubborn enough in doin things...

today my mum went in hos...
i suddenly felt affraid...
i can't loss her...
although i oways think tat she is annoyed,
i do luv her v much...
coz i noe tat she vvv sayang me btw my siblings...
but i feel sad tat she oways think tat i din cares 4 her...
said tat i'm selfish...v hurt...
sometimes i think tat y couldn't i become like tpm...
she is same age wif me...
we r cousins...
but y we hav so much different in situation?
she is nicer,brighter,richer n owns many things tat i can't get it 4 my whole lifespan...
she hav a nice mother...
although her mum is strict enough,
she do teach her to be more independent since she was small...
her mum will support her 4 wat she wan to be...
she is a nice person too...n i think i'm totally de opposite site of her...
i'm v xian mu her...
not becoz she get better...
but she own a great mother...

since i was born...
u giv me to de babysitter to take care...
coz u wan to work...
i'm bein bullied(always) by de elders...including when i was in kindergarden...
i think tat bad experience of bein bullied,
i became negative minding n zi bei...
i hated evry1 in tis world tat time...
i felt bad tat time...
but u din even notice it...
i told u wat i face...but u din believe in wat i told...
not even once...
frm tat time onwards...
i made a conclusion...
our house is more like a house,
but wif empty spaces...
u never appreciate evrythings tat i had given u...
i gav u a card evry mothers day since i stan.1...
i felt v happy evrytime u smile when i did it...
but tat appreciation r oni 4 a moment...
dunno wether u still rmb tat MotDay when i was in yr3?
i gav a card tat i specially drew n stick here n there 4 u...
but u din smiles like de past...
u just put it away....
n theres nothing more...
i totally hate u at tat time...my heart broken...
u r mad wif bro tat time...so u had no mood...
i understand...
but y can't u just keep it rather den put it on de chair...
n just can't even rmr abt it again...
i took de card u left...
n i teared it into pieces same as how u did to my heart...
frm tat day onwards,
i din wan to celebrate any MotDay again...worst!
but do u noe wat will aunt do wif tpm MotDay card?
she'll frame it up,n put it in her office...wat a sweet n lovely?
but we're not de same fate...
i love u v much mum,
but de feelings is getting little n little now...
i really hopes tat i won be so selfish to my family....
n i really wans to love u all 4ever...*-*