I feel nervous

Anxiety has suffocated me. Honestly, I feel tension every time I am to plan a certain event. Last year Kundasang trip was my first try and I could not fit well with the situation. Now, I'm organising a trip for my parent and friends, I start to feel stress. Perhaps, I am afraid to bear responsibility on my own. I know I can do it but I always hesitate on my decision. For million times I try to convince myself that it will be an enjoyable vacation but still, I'm too dependent on my brother. I should be more mature in handling every occasion. I have pushed myself very hard. I wish I can be like Ah Jun them where they never show hesitation to others. I want to be decisive. I will be grown up. Kah yao!!!