i did something out of my box

i blocked you from viewing my facebook's posts. because i felt sad every time i saw your wall or your posts. i got affected strongly. i hate it. perhaps, it was some sort of revenge from me. though you would forget me sooner, it was better for both of us. my heart was a it grief, but it was my task today. i must did it.

did i look like person that needed protection? why i was always the one got protected? even where i worked, i was the one had been taken care by someone else. i felt useless honestly.
i want to be a big momma who takes care of the weak.
i will be!

Saw Mey <3

To-do list

well, i had said that i wanted to make myself a to-do list 2012 .. so i'm here to motivate myself :)

1. i will prepare a book or maybe diary for myself.

2. having a task for myself to be completed every day.

3. never give up<3

haha..

by the way,

i'm going to have my 1st dancing lesson today :) enjoy~

with happiness~

finding work

i felt so miserable to find work every day.

just now i went to xiao tian er nursery centre to interview as teacher.

i felt so embarrassed when she asked me about my spm result.

even cindy--experience-filled lady in my office felt so.

at the time she knew that i was to take pharmacy..

and she get to knew my spm result..

she was hesitating..

not because of others, but she did not believe my capability.

perhaps.. i did not look like girls that would get good result?

i was so upset.

was people getting 8As in spm so humiliating?

ya!

i felt so.. badly

i even get only B+ for my language subjects.

i never noticed that it was so important until i interviewed for particular jobs.

i thought my form6 forecast result would help much in giving good impression, but it was not at all.

i was regret for not working much hardwork during spm.

thus, i must score at least some goals in my stpm.

if i failed, i might be very heart broken.

because i did work hard like i never work hard before during that time.

i'm worth for the reward.

please.. i pray hard to God, i 'd hope You heard my voice.

i will show them, spm is not a thing, because i have done much marvellous compared to people who scored in spm but failed in stpm!

p/s: not to offend.. just expressing my true feelings.. :)

Saw Mey<3

sudden tension

yesterday my mum told me that she would be retired in this coming april.

i was a bit shock because i would be the one part of responsible for supporting this family already.

so i might have to find higher pay job as fast as possible.

firstly i have to save enough $ for university expenditure then i have to help my mom to clear off the house loan.

it was a bit stress for me, i never expect it came so early..

tomorrow i will start to attend new agent training d..

excited right now, because i'm starting my journey.

hope that my friends won't avoid me after getting know about this..

haha XD!

good luck my dear <3

wound

i thought i was strong and tough enough in treating my wound.

i thought that it was okay after a month after the cut.

i thought i was the one would be fine compared to others.

in fact..

I WAS TOTALLY WRONG!

i had used almost a year to fade off the feelings toward you.

i never thought i that i would be loving you and waiting you till now.

you used to embrace me whenever i need your coax.

but..

it will never happen at now or in future anymore.

i received your intention, you just felt guilty for leaving me.

everything was just my thought.

i thought you still love me.. it is not the truth..

that was why you never messaged me at night again.

you asked me to take care myself the last day you in penang and..

you meant it..

i should be let go of you..

you are not mine, never been mine..

you have your dream, your passions, and your own path to go on..

no one can stop you from leaving unless you decide to stay.

i'm not the girl that hold you from leaving, hope you found one who you would stay for her.

i will announce that, my love toward you will be ended at this second.

no more expectation and i will create my happiness myself.

perhaps, i will not fall for any guys again.

love is sustainable, but not on the same object eternally.

i will learn to love myself at first...

my wound has recovered.

my life is still great, i need just a bit more laughter.

:)

good luck my dear saw mey <3

i am becoming a qualified insurance agent

ALL THE BEST TO MY CAREER!

HOPE THAT MY DECISION IS RIGHT FOR ME :)

There is nothing that i could do

you are my first guy.

the first lad to hold my hand.

the first lad that embraced me in your arm.

the first man that i owned,

the first kiss i took from you.

the first...

i couldn't write out all the first time we did something together.

thre are too much i could spell them out.

you are the first man that left me away from you

but..

protected me from far.

how could i forget you?

perhaps,

you are not as perfect as i imagined in my mind.

i'm just missing the days we had..

too much..

i understand.

we had came to the end.

what i thought is never a reality.

i need love

but nothing i can do.

you left me away..

i thought i would live better than you.

but

i'm wrong..

you are more attractive than ever when i met you.

i wish..

someday,

you'll realise,

i'm your shen jia yi forever..