i'm lost...

de solution really effective..
but i dun think it is a solution anymore..
coz it becomes really serious tat i really like u day after day..
deeper n deeper,feel got stronger n stronger..
u make me change 2 a person tat strange 4 me..
i'm waiting 4 ur message everyday,
even every moment..
miss of u..
tat day i thought u dun wan sms me anymore..
but u just reply me after 11o'clock..
u busy of ur activities..
i noe..
but i just angry of u..
but i couldn't told u..
so i lied to u..
i told u tat i'm angry of a girl..
actually i'm quite surprise tat u cares abt wat i said tat day..
i feel ur cares..although u juz mean as fren..
u said u wold like 2 talk wiv me when i nid..
i'm really touch..
n since tat moment,
i noe u r de 1 i'm finding 4 so long..
no1 can relly affect my lifestyle currently except u..
i can't stop thinking of u..
but i noe de realistic tat u won accept me..
u wan concentrate on study place achiements higher den lov in ur mind..
so i can't do anything..
i dun wan to get hurt..
coz i noe u'll hurt me deeper if u reject me..
i never like tat b4..
i'm become timid..
wat should i do?
i'm scare.. n lost..

StUdY...i wan CrAzY!!

exam wan near liao...
i had found few ppl to compete...
haha..
i felt tat i'm v chin kak...
so i must fight hard...
no matter wat result i get...
i won repent...
coz i noe tat i'd work hard 4 it...
now many still haven finish study...
chemi,bio,physics,sej,add math...
aiyo!
my brain wan pecah liao...
Gambateh!!

actually finding a ppl to like is quite gud oso...
coz u can work hard 4 it...
it won waste time if u can think in de rite way...
n i'm still in de journey of finding him... n '4gotten' him...
actually i think tat i'm too rasional liao...
how could i bein like nothing happening...
i felt amazing n abnormal...haha..
maybe i haven fall in love...
i'm juz admire on his talent n de way he think...

now things happen v quick...
moon had started a date...
i felt happy wif her...
coz she really like him...
but i a bit feel lost...
coz she seldom sms me now...
now i lost de 1 tat i could dumb my secret juz like b4...
but nvm...
i could handle it wif myself...
coz i should be more independence...
wish u n him would be chang chang jiu jiu^-<

finally...i'm bac...

thx 4 so care 4 me...
i'll try to think positive ...try my best...
i realize tat i can oways control my emotion 2 surrounding better compared to my family...
i luv my mum...
i juz feel abnormal tat...
y i can't talk better wif her nia...

i had confess to de 1 i like...
i found de feelings bac...
it juz like de 1 i like 4 such a long time...
he had rejected me...
but i won cry 4 it...
coz i juz wan him to noe wat i'm thinking abt...
i can noe tat he won accept me b4 tat...
i juz wan to hear frm his mouth den i'll giv up...
thx 4 giving me a chance to noe u...
i'm appreciate tat u din think tat i'm kidding wif u...
i like ur ans...
so tat i won throw hope on u anymore...
i wish tat u would find a girl would bring u a lot of happiness...
coz i oways wish tat u would be oways in happiness...
i treat u as my best fren too...
rmb our 15yrs contract...
be healthy n be happy~^-^

bc of my com go short short dei dis few days so i rite it 2day...

on 24feb(friday)..
i cried on sch juz bc tat i felt vvvvdisappointed abt de boys in class(frm last yr s2)
i felt stupid on cring on these useless ppl...
but i juz can't controlled it...
at 1st yesterday was my nice day...
but juz bc of them
my mood turns bad...stupiak me!!
but i realize something...
when i came out frm de lab...
moon called me to bac class...
i felt emotional at tat moment...
i saw her calling me...
when i juz step out de room...
i felt my tears is running out...
wat i juz wan on tat time was juz a fren standing beside me...
without a word...juz listening to my tears...
i juz think of held moon's hand n is she...
i noe i nid her badly evrytime i felt sad...
i'm so appreciate tat she was there tat time...
otherwise i'll gotta freak!!
thx god...

yesterday noon...
i go moon's house by cycling motor...
we're celebrating my birthday(actually my birth on 126)
we went swimming....
moon n howe bought a strawberry cake 4 me...
actually i dun think it looks like my face...
but jk n my sis say like tat...funny...
jk baked a cake 4 me...
thx a lot...
they sings birthday song 4 me...
n i had de video wif me...felt touch when c de video again..
hehe..
den we go swim...
de three boys(juni,howe n jojo)waer oni swimming trunks...
sexy...hahaxP
de water is so cold...
we oways chou jin when getting up...
moon is keep moving in water wif her 'jiu sheng quan'...
de jojo oways swam here n there...
juni's legs really v hairy(sexy)...haha...paise...
de chia howe do keep climbing up n down to de water dunno doin wat...
they shagging 4 cold...
n de water is reli vvv cold...
me n moon not shagging so obvious...
de key is tat we wore clothes,but they do not...
we play till 5 more den we stop...
a memory 4 frm 5...
we went up to moon's house at 26th floor...
we went in room...
we taken many photos...
few of it is taken frm de guys(without clothes)acting like underwears models...
haha...
den finished...i like it...^-^

v tired today...

my mum went in hospital tis morning again....
she had went in hospital de day b4 de sch reopened last time(4th jan) 4 2days...
she felt on de floor when baking some new yr kuih...
i felt nothing tat day...not even worry
i think i'm cruel...
coz i scolded my mum tat day 4 not taking pa's advice...
actually i quite dislike my mum's character tat not hearing others advice...
n oso v stubborn...
she oways bergaduh wif my dad...
i'm biasa wif it d...
so i din even c them although they gaduh in front of me...
i can pretend nothing...
n i hate of me like tat...but i still like tat...
maybe it is inherited from my mum...
i oso stubborn enough in doin things...

today my mum went in hos...
i suddenly felt affraid...
i can't loss her...
although i oways think tat she is annoyed,
i do luv her v much...
coz i noe tat she vvv sayang me btw my siblings...
but i feel sad tat she oways think tat i din cares 4 her...
said tat i'm selfish...v hurt...
sometimes i think tat y couldn't i become like tpm...
she is same age wif me...
we r cousins...
but y we hav so much different in situation?
she is nicer,brighter,richer n owns many things tat i can't get it 4 my whole lifespan...
she hav a nice mother...
although her mum is strict enough,
she do teach her to be more independent since she was small...
her mum will support her 4 wat she wan to be...
she is a nice person too...n i think i'm totally de opposite site of her...
i'm v xian mu her...
not becoz she get better...
but she own a great mother...

since i was born...
u giv me to de babysitter to take care...
coz u wan to work...
i'm bein bullied(always) by de elders...including when i was in kindergarden...
i think tat bad experience of bein bullied,
i became negative minding n zi bei...
i hated evry1 in tis world tat time...
i felt bad tat time...
but u din even notice it...
i told u wat i face...but u din believe in wat i told...
not even once...
frm tat time onwards...
i made a conclusion...
our house is more like a house,
but wif empty spaces...
u never appreciate evrythings tat i had given u...
i gav u a card evry mothers day since i stan.1...
i felt v happy evrytime u smile when i did it...
but tat appreciation r oni 4 a moment...
dunno wether u still rmb tat MotDay when i was in yr3?
i gav a card tat i specially drew n stick here n there 4 u...
but u din smiles like de past...
u just put it away....
n theres nothing more...
i totally hate u at tat time...my heart broken...
u r mad wif bro tat time...so u had no mood...
i understand...
but y can't u just keep it rather den put it on de chair...
n just can't even rmr abt it again...
i took de card u left...
n i teared it into pieces same as how u did to my heart...
frm tat day onwards,
i din wan to celebrate any MotDay again...worst!
but do u noe wat will aunt do wif tpm MotDay card?
she'll frame it up,n put it in her office...wat a sweet n lovely?
but we're not de same fate...
i love u v much mum,
but de feelings is getting little n little now...
i really hopes tat i won be so selfish to my family....
n i really wans to love u all 4ever...*-*

i like u all...i won 4get u tills de days end...

y almost all teacher marks on me tis yr??
stupid lyy,
keep saying nonsence,n coz de teacher c'ing toour place...
haiz...scare abt a hong...
haha...
feel so different today,
bcoz hung sms wif me...
he said he'll donate n belanja me makan...
i quite shock bcoz we haven talk so frequently these few days...
juz bcoz of tat event...
but finally...i feel more comfortable...he is not angry wif me...
but i din do wrong oso rite?? O.o..
jojo is a nice fren n guy...
n oso looks cute...haha...
i wan to make a list of frenz...

best fren namelist:msm,ymx,lyy,lyl,tyc,qjk,jojo,och,ykh,ola,pjw,polly
love u all so much...muakz!
especially msm...u oways listen to my problems...
u r de 1 i like to talk secret wif... u noe me de most...
qjk jia you!u'll be a successful person in future no matter in acc or medic...
ymx,u oso...i noe u since we're stan.1...we r beast fren 4ever!
lyy,dun talk too much in class liao,pay more attention too...haha@-@
pjw,u v nice ppl la,really good person...
tyc,haha...i noe wat u think now...haha
och,omg!dun act too lame action liao...u r handsome guy...
ykh,actually i now still got some confuse wif u...
polly,u r pretty n emotional 4 frens...thx god 4 having u as my fren...^^
ola,u r so serious n attractive...jia you!

pls...

i think not so much ppl noe abt ching& hung's problem...
they suit to be lovers...
but ching got some1 in heart...
but i think,
hung got chance...
but juz u had use de wrong method...
she said u sometimes giv her a feel of forcing her to do something in ur way...
i oso think like tat...maybe u r scorpio...
u like to take cares of others...
but maybe u can use some other ways to get her heart...
i'm here to help u if u nid...
tell her wat u think...
dun keep sms nia...
she dun really confirmtat wat u wan...
i'm now actually quite affraid to talk wif u oso...
duno y...
but i think maybe i feel 'gang ka' gua....
tyc oso like tat...
so i think u 2 better deal wif urs buisness...
i'm now feel not good tat i try to avoid a fren tat treat us nice...
haiz...
i duno wether u got look on my blog not...
but i really hope tat u got...
i dun dare to sms or talk wif u abt tis things...
so ...
haiz nothing la...
i juz wan help...
but its relly is u 2 buisness...
i came in facing tis pro suddenly...
i duno hw to do...haiz....
we used to be frens b4...but y we became like tis?
hope tat u 2 can solve it AFAP...
coz tis really not de pro i nid to worried abt...
but i juz drop in suddenly...
pls...i dun wan like tat...

future...

ordinary day...
still me...
haiz...
spm is coming in fews months...
although not so near frm now...
but i adi felt a bit panic...
haiz...
i had change my way...
i decide to take nutrition courses after i graduate...
they r rite....
there is no use of studying buisness although i wana be a buisness woman in future...
any1 can do buisness without studying it...
so i must start to workhard so tat i could obtain de scholarship...
i went in s1 with de last position in class...
so i can't still be de last 1 in class...
i must fight...
de oni thing i can do now...
i got my target clearly for now...
so keep on study la~
but feel a bit stress now...
i heard frm my relatives tat some1 can't even get in U although he had get 10As'...
wat a fool?!
5As' i oso not sure i can get...
de ppl get 10 oso can't get in...
so i maybe nid to get in college or i nid to really try vvvv hard to get in matrculation class...
coz i really dun wan waste my time in frm6...
additonally,i not so clever oso...
haha...
i found my way...
i now wan keep concentrate on my studies...
i dun wan to think abt him liao...
but if got chance i really hope tat we could go in de same college...
haha...still dreaming...
but its oni 4 2day nia...

frm now onwards...i'm new person...
GOOD LUCK!muakz...

GAMBATEH!!!

de oni happy thing...

u sent me a message...
de oni thing i felt happy 4 today...
coz u appreciate of having me as fren...
but do u noe??
i'm thx got of giving a nice fren of u 4 me...

Y??

why am i so mahuan...
hate it...
dun like it...
why i oways bein scolded??
hate my life bein like tat...
i tried to be more independent...
but why i can't achieve it yet
although i had try hard...
why can't they understand mii??
i scare of ppl using loud voice to talk wif mii...
i'm lack of protect frm outsiders...
why can't u use proper volume...i'm scared...
yesterday...
my bag was cut by ppl using knife in pasar malam...
i'm still affraid of tat...
i can't tell any1...
coz i dun wan my family think tat i'm so troublesomes....
i wan cry...
but i noe it won make me better...
i hate to be treated like a little girl...
i hate ppl tat look down on me...especially my family....
i nid a thight hug now...
but who can giv me??

tis life is oways bein like tat...
no one really understands who...including u n me...
so we nid to face evrything by ourselves...
n maybe something i'm trying to speak it out
but no one wan to hear abt it...
sometimes,
i felt disappointed abt my family members...
but wat can i do??
they oways think tat i oni noe hw to spend their money nia...
they think tat i'm v materialistic...
but i'm not like tat...
i had been change a lot since last yr...
but they din realize it...
n tat's really hurts me...
i now felt v stress when asking somthing frm them...
i really hopes tat 1 day i could really become a mad person...mentally problem...
den i no nid to think so much adi...
i feel so lonely...but no one can help me...
i hav many frens but not evry1 i can tell them wat i feel....
i feel so fuzzy...
goin to crazy...
but they din even noe oso...(my family)
i'm still crying when typing these words...
wat can i do...tis is fate...
i couldn't change it...
i feel anoying to continue my life wif my parents n siblings...
i'm selfish...
maybe somday...
i would fing som1 to scold me till my tears out...
den i'll feel release...