need you now

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?
For me it happens all the time.

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without.
I just need you now.

Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door.
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind?
For me it happens all the time.

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now.
And I don't know how I can do without.
I just need you now.

Oh whoa
Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now.
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now.
Well I don't know how I can do without.
I just need you now
I just need you now.
Oh baby I need you now.

i'm bad..

i don't know why i would treat someone like this. i am kind of stubborn and aggressive whenever facing a trouble like this. honestly, i hate it too. i have isolate and shun you from entering my world. i understand that no one is perfect in this world, however i find that it is hard for me to pretend. i could be hypocritical expert, but i couldn't avoid the feelings which pop up unintentionally. i tend to be friend and hang out with you, but it fails.

i thought of telling why i am shutting you down, but it is hard for me to speak out. firstly, please speak out what you need. i am not the worm in your stomach, thus i won't always get to know what you need. secondly, although you could ask for my help, sometimes just not to be too over my limits. for example, i'm not a 24hrs transport officer. if you need transport from other please inform the person by yourself, not through me. i'm not ought to be your subordinate. third, please show some grateful and maybe a bit of thankful whenever i lend you a hand. because people are the same. we may like some appreciation after a help. it may not to be a great appreciation, but at least.. let me hear the word 'thanks'..

i know you work hard and pretend hard in guard in friendship. but it doesn't work in that way. it may scare us and hurt yourself even deeper. i am a bad person. i could not make up a promise like yc does for you. what i could say is just be stronger and take care. i'm sorry for hurting you. just let me be the selfish one. leave me, you'll be better and happier.

what if?

that day,
the day i questioned you.
thanks for not letting me go.
i do miss you, my darling.
thanks for the call and i mean it..
the moment after i sent out the message.
i wondered, how would i feel if i meet you again?
shall i deleted this blog site to make you released?
and i was so unwanted to do so.
what if you gone?
i would be a dumb who won speak as much as i could.
i would shut off my phone for the coming 2months.
and i would be lost every time i emo again.
maybe, our relationship has faded a lot.
but you appreciated me.
the moment you called, i just felt like oh thanks, at least you cared.
when you talked and tried to cheer me up, i was like well-embraced by your arms.
thanks god for giving you to walk cross my life..
and..
i'm waiting for your cute and gorgeous recent photossssss....^^!
haha..
take care.

sincerely from
precious

156days

i had been a form6 student for 156days..
finally, i succeeded to make myself suit to my study environment..
i stopped myself from digging bigger hole for my grave..
don worry.. i would be fine as all i would..
concentrate on your studies and socialisation among your friend..
i promised..
i would not bring any childish case for you anymore..
i would stand stiff on my own..

yesterday..
i was so unhappy..
because someone made me insaned..
i thought you would comfort me..
but you shown me that..
it doesn't really big deal and i was so immatured..
felt hurt a bit..
so i wrote a letter for you..
all my sadness and feelings are written on paper..
no one knows except me..
then i tore them into pieces..
it was a way to release my tension..
at least..
i felt i was 'shared' with you..
it seemed dumb.. haha..
but effective..
i thought of why you neglected my needs..
i saw a post from facebook..
'如果我的回复只是‘噢’和一些简单的回答，请原谅我，我只是不同意你的想法，不愿惹气更多的不悦。。’
i was not sure of what you went through yesterday..
but i guessed you felt me immatured and i should have ability to pacified myself..
and yes i did..
or maybe you were busy, or you were in moody too..
anything..
but it did not important anymore..
i would conceal and control my emotion..
i should face my problems myself..
i would grown up.. just gave me some time..
occasionally, i would blame you..
but think wisely.. i was the faulty..
haha..
so jia you!!
saw mey don emo!!

i wanted to share

i want to tell you that..
my average cocurriculum got 80.5marks..
i was so happy..
i wanted to share with you the most..
although you got higher marks then mine during your secondary,
i felt wanted to share with you..
actually..
occasionally, i would take offense when you leave comments for others..
i was not the one you felt wanted to share of your life..
eventhough you were not purposely.. i felt miserable..
in facebook..
i seems like never connected to you..
you used to it..
sometimes,
i envied some couples..
whenever they posted somethings..
they'll soothe each other on time..
basically.. you hated to do so..
i was not the type of girl you expected to be in love..
i was not pretty..
not sweet,
blunt to take initiative..
fat..
not friendly..
vulnerable..
a non-christian..
a coward..
weird styling.. no personality..
not confidented..
strong jealousy..
under-performing academic, relationship, and physical condition..
not attractive, pessimism..
not romantic girl.............................
nothing branded good on me...
i knew..
you cant find a virtue on me..
but you were 99% opposite of me..
inferiory flooded every cell of mine..
i hoped i could do something..
for myself.. to make my family and you proud..
sorry~

well.. i'm jealous..

nothing special for me to jealous some1..
ya..
i'm still influenced by the position..
i knew time would faded our connection..
it ate our mutual dependence..
it had been once i felt i was on the top of mountain..
but i knew..
i had no longer be that one..
i was not a generous person..
i was a miser..
horrible type..
what i appreciate now was.. your cares toward me..
i did not know how long we would continue,
but i won't give up as i still love you..
and i would learn not to depend so much on you..
its time for your removal of burden(me)

it was dreadful to wait for your return

sometimes..
i missed you a lot..
when the air was cool
when i slept alone
when my phone stop rang.
i felt emptied.
i don't use to make a call for you..
i just waiting you to miss me..
it was full of joy to receive call from you..
no matter how hard i tried to conceal my happiness,
i could not put off my smile on my face..
i pretended as normal,
but you knew, it meant a lot to me..
i knew you would not visit this site as frequent..
i hope you'll know..
i miss you till hell and heaven..
cant wait for your return..
if life can be remote by a device..
i would press backward and pause on the day you kiss me in your house.
we got nothing severe to worry..
we just have each other in eyes..
i miss that moment..
but time dont flow back..
i hope,
de day you hug me again,
will be soon~

yeah~

it's today..
my 2a exam is over..
but my nightmare will start soon after holiday break....
wish you good luck in exam ya~~

today is the 114th day of form6 life.

miss you so much
miss the day i was on your bike
hugging you... sweet..
i still remembered the day after spm add maths exam.
you brought to shout out on the road.
i miss the day you still beside me.
i was afraid that i'll forgot any of you.
a little black spot on your lips.
shining eyes and the song you sang for me.
it is long to let me wait for your return.
pay hard on study..
both you and me..
good luck^^

i'll write down every single piece of misses at here

i write it here.........................